Friday, November 30, 2007

Catching Up

It seems that I've been meming (memeing?) all week, but that's about it.

I've been staying busy in the evenings, working on a couple of different websites (just some updates and new pages for some existing freelance clients), so that's kind of had me distracted.

There's nothing really exciting to tell, though. We're still waiting and wondering, of course.

I'm groping myself hourly to try to decide if my boobs hurt. I think they are starting to, but, you know, it might be the groping.

Of course, they've been sore before, to no avail.

The only thing different and possibly suspicious that I'm experiencing is that, for the past three or four days, I've felt a bit ooky pretty often. Not really nauseated, but just not quite right in the tummy, pretty much off an on all day.

I'm not sure whether to make anything of it or not. On the one hand, I tend to think, "Well, I did just eat a brownie (or way too many chocolate kisses or fill-in-the-blank)" but on the other hand, I've been eating that stuff for weeks months ever and not feeling ooky.

So, maybe . . . .

In related news, once again I must quote Nurse E: "(My) insurance company is THE DEVIL."

(Caps hers.)

Now they are saying that they only approved me for three cycles of IUIs. But, the RE's office doesn't seem to have any record of that, and I think it's the sort of thing that they would have noticed.

If we'd known that we only had three cycles paid for, we would have made different treatment decisions, and would have started out a lot more agressive than we did.

So, the RE's office is filing an appeal and we're keeping our fingers crossed.

Of course, if I've got some sticky giblets, then that will all be moot.

Well, there will still be the question of whether they will pay for what we've already done this cycle.

(Funny, they seem to have already paid for cycle #4, and for the cycle #5 meds - what the hell?)

But, if that's the last of it, we can handle that. The big problem is if we're looking at doing up to three more medicated IUI cycles with no coverage.

Nothing else new, really. Just waiting . . . .

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #39

Thirteen of Our Christmas Decorations

I bought this with my employee discount at my first job - in the housewares (and holiday) department at The White House over Christmas break my senior year of high school. I have quite a collection of mouse ornaments. I'm sure LadyKay will be happy to explain the origins of my interest in mice.

I like things that look like something else, or that are made out of something else. Is it a snowman or is it a bell? It's a conundrum!

I also have quite a collection "campy" and "woodsy" type ornaments. It didn't really start as an intentional collection, but I like them, so I've got a lot. Some were gifts from "camp friends," others I bought myself.

PerfectPup's First Chrismas

Learn more about this guy here.

Democratic Donkey - I bought him at the beach last year.

This is Blind Santa. He was a gift from one of my 6th graders. She painted him herself. Can you tell?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ten on Tuesday #11

10 Best Games (video games, board games, card games, etc)
I'm not much of a game-player, but here are some that I enjoy - or used to.

  1. Taboo

  2. Cranium

  3. Farkle (Note: we only use 5 dice)

  4. You Don't Know Jack

  5. The Sims

  6. Make-words-out-of-license-plates (Shrike and I do this all the time. I know, it's sad.)

  7. Trivial Pursuit

  8. Ms. Pacman

  9. Murder Mystery

  10. Anything that doesn't involve shooting

Learn More About Ten on Tuesday

Monday, November 26, 2007

Manic Monday #16

  1. Which personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble?
    My big damn mouth.

  2. If you had to gain 10 pounds what would you eat to gain the weight?
    Pretty much what I'm eating now, but with even more chocolate candy at work.
  3. How is your private self different from your public self?
    I'm not nearly as together or as confident in private. Oh, and I am much sillier.

Learn more about Manic Monday.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Nothing to See Here

I have absolutely nothing of interest to talk about today.

I slept late, we walked the dogs, Shrike raked & bagged leaves in the front yard, and I did some online Christmas shopping.

Now, we're thinking about going out to dinner.

And that is it.

But, it was pretty nice.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Black Friday

Although we typically try to avoid shopping on "Black Friday," I actually did quite a bit today.

For starters, we finally bought my car - starting at the bank to close on the loan, then over to the dealership to sign the purchase papers.

Once everything was done, and I had the keys, I did tell the salesman and the sales manager how unhappy I was with how things were handled on Saturday.

The salesman was nice about it, and very apologetic. The sales manager was not.

He still tried to blamed things on the bank, and actually said, when I told him that I came "this close" to backing out of the deal, "Well, I would have sold it to someone else for more."

Wow. What a dick.

If he'd reacted like the salesman did, I would have left it at that, but now I think I am going to write a letter to the general manager.

After picking up the car, Shrike headed to work and I did some shopping.

I actually ventured to the mall for a bit, but is wasn't as awful as I had feared. I got a gift for Shrike's Grandma, whose name I drew for Secret Santa.

After a brief stop at home, I headed to Borders in ShrikeWorkTown, where I got some things for the directors' gift exchange at our next business meeting. I also got a couple of small gifts for Shrike's stocking. About $30 worth, total, all paid for with gift cards!

Then I picked up some Taco Bell and met Shrike for dinner, which is always a little "bonus" to the day.

After dinner, I hit the Dollar Tree, for pregnancy tests, and some stuff to make gifts for my teachers, to give them at our center holiday party. Nothing fancy; I'm just filling big coffee mugs with candy. I'll probably put some pretty ribbons on them or something, too.

I made one more stop on my way home, but that's a surprise for Shrike, so I can't say yet where I went.

(Are you in suspenders now, honey?)

A pretty productive day, all in all.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Sperminator 5.2: And Re-Basted!

IUI #2 is done, and we weren't even all that late for Thanksgiving dinner!

We stopped by Shrike's parents' house on the way out of town, to drop off the pie, and then hit the road around 10:30 am.

It usually takes us exactly 90 minutes to get down there, but we generally allow 1:45 - 2 hours, just to be safe. We allowed the full 2 hours today, because we were worried about holiday traffic.
This time, it only took 1:15!

We were there by a quarter to twelve, and by the time 12:30 (our appointment) rolled around, I was already all spermified and we were on the road.

We got to dinner around 2 pm, which is not bad, since the official start time was 1:30.

We had a small crowd, but it was nice. Shrike's mom decided to skip the traditional turkey this year, and went with barbeque beef sandwiches instead. Yummmm!

Now I'm waiting around til I think my family is done eating, so I can give them a call.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Thursday Thirteen #38

In honor of the season, in no particular order . . .

Thirteen Things for Which I am Thankful
  1. Shrike - She is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and sometimes I just don't know how she puts up with me every day.

  2. Family and friends who love and support us.
  3. Our pups and kitties, as annoying as they may be at times.
  4. Chocolate.
  5. Although we're not thrilled about needing a new car, we are getting a good one.
  6. We may not be rich, and we can't buy everything we want, but we do have enough for everything that we need.
  7. We are both healthy - and I'm a lot healthier than I used to be.

  8. The internet, my blog buddies and all both my blog fans - thanks for listening!

  9. A job I enjoy, with incredibly supportive bosses.
  10. Great doctors & nurses who are doing everything in their power to get me pregnant.
  11. Health insurance that, although several of their employees are incompetent, actually has pretty good coverage and is making all the difference in paying for those doctors and nurses.

  12. Although we've not gotten lucky yet, all our preconception tests have all come out great and there's no reason to believe that I won't be pregnant soon.
  13. Four little giblets, doing the conception congo with Popeye's boys right now.
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Sperminator 5.1: Basted!

We did our first IUI of cycle #5 this morning, and are set to do a second tomorrow, around noon. The giblets should be thoroughly basted by then.

Yeah, Shrike's not too keen on "giblets" for this month's nom de utero (says it's "totally disgusting") but she hasn't come up with anything better.

She did Google "baby turkey" for me, but they are evidently called "poults" and that doesn't sound cute at all.

She also suggested "little gobblers," but even with the "little" in front of it, that sounds just way bigger than anything I want in my uterus!

She did seem a bit more approving when I reminded her that giblets are found inside turkeys.

So, if anyone has cute Thanksgiving-related nicknames to suggest, I'll consider all recommendations, but in the meantime, they are the giblets.

Since I'm sure lots of folks will be too busy tomorrow to check in, I want to go ahead and wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving.

May you spend it surrounded by family and filled with pumpkin pie love.

Wordless Wednesday #35: Pie!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I know this is supposed to be "wordless" but here's the recipe for the pie pictured above.

Lemon Icebox Cheesecake Pie

Cream Cheese - 8 oz brick
Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk - 1 can
Lemon Juice - 1/3 cup
Graham cracker crust
  1. Combine all but crust in a blender and mix until smooth.
  2. Pour filling into crust and refrigerate over night.
Notes on amounts:
One "batch" of filling, as shown above, in a regular pie crust leaves enough room to add a can of cherry (or other fruit) pie filling on top. However, my people don't believe in that sort of thing, so I leave it out. This creates something of a dilemma, regarding the amounts. I suggest doing one of the following:
  1. If you need two pies, three batches of filling will fill two regular crusts nicely.
  2. If you'd like one bigger pie, get the "two extra slices!" crust (if you can find it) and use two batches of filling.
  3. Make one pie, as shown, and top with Cool Whip, after refrigerating over night. (This is what I'm doing for tomorrow.)
  4. Add the fruit filling on top, after refrigerating over night. You know, if you're one of those kind of people.


Learn more about Wordless Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Ten on Tuesday #10

10 Reasons Why It’s Great to be a Woman

  1. Shrike wouldn't be with me if I were a man.
  2. Ability to ask for directions.
  3. Less heavy lifting.

  4. Can cross-dress without getting beaten up.

  5. Yet, no necktie required.

  6. Girlfriends.

  7. Never felt the need to use violence to prove anything.
  8. Emotions allowed.
  9. Chick flicks.

  10. Donor sperm is much easier to find than a gestational surrogate.

Learn More About Ten on Tuesday

Trigger Time!

My ultrasound this morning showed that my uterine lining is still looking good (11.7 mm), and I now have four (yup, four) big follicles ready to trigger:

Right ovary: 22.7 mm (also one at 10.6 mm, which is too small)
Left ovary: 23.0 mm, 25.50 mm, 18.9 mm

My estrogen level is great too. I didn't really catch all the details on that, but it sounded like it would indicate that all four of those follicles probably have mature eggs in them.

Of course, it still remains to be seen whether any of those eggs are good, chromosomally speaking, whether good sperm can find them, and so on.

With four to work with, though, we should be twice as likely to get a keeper as we were last cycle, with two - or four times as likely as we were in the first three cycles, with one each.


Nurse E seemed very positive about all the indicators at this point, and said that she's "excited" and has "a good feeling about this cycle."

Of course, she probably says that to all the girls.

So, I will give myself the Ovidrel (HCG "trigger" shot) this evening around 10 pm, and we will do our IUIs at 10 am tomorrow and 12:30 pm Thursday.

Yeah, that's a bit of a sticky wicket there, because Shrike's mom was expecting us for Thanksgiving dinner at 1:30 pm. And the doctor's office is at least 90 minutes away, on a good day. And there can be some really bad traffic between here and there, especially at holiday.

Shrike called her today though, and let her know that we'll be there as soon as we can. I think she's going to push back dinner, and make up some sort of story for the grandparents who don't know about our plans.

Of course, they'll know all about it once I'm pregnant, but she doesn't want to say anything until it's a done-deal.

Of course, they know all about us, and I'm sure they'll be thrilled to have another great-grandchild, but I'm thinking we might have some 'splainin' to do.

Shrike's mom tried to explain to Grandma about how her cousin (on the other side) and her partner made Baby R, but I don't think she really got it.

So, here we go again!

Monday, November 19, 2007

IVF Information

I talked to the IVF coordinator at our RE's office today, and here's what I learned:

She will check on whether we can continue to retrieve eggs from Shrike after her 39th birthday, but she thinks we can.

She'll also check on whether we could do a few cycles w/Shrike's eggs and then switch to an anonymous donor if we need to, but thinks that's also possible.

She will have a financial coordinator call me to discuss the cost for using Shrike's eggs, and for using an anonymous donor, and the various options (shared / not shared) there.

She was also able to actually answer several questions:

As far as things to be done ahead of time, Shrike would just need a couple more blood tests, but that's it. (She was very impressed with her 36 antral follicles, of course.)

We would also need a new letter from Dr T saying that we're not too crazy for this. Specifically, that we've discussed and worked out all the issues involved w/Shrike donating eggs to me or, more issuey, with using an anonymous egg donor.

From the last IUI, it would take about 3 months before we can do our first IVF cycle.

The first thing we do is a mock cycle. Starting day 2 of my period, I would get estrogen shots, then mid-cycle, there would be ultrasound and blood work, the 2nd half of the cycle, I'd do progesterone (and estrogen??) shots, and at the end, would have an endometrial biopsy. (That sounds a bit unpleasant.) All that will, of course, take about a month.

A few days after that, I'd have a period, and at that point, they would put us both on birth control pills (oh, irony!) to get our cycles in sync.

We have lived together for 9.5 years, and our cycles are
not in sync. Shrike is in sync with the other girls at work, though. Which
actually makes sense, since she spends more time with them.
Then, in the cycle that we're actually trying, Shrike would get several injections (5 days???) to make lots of eggs, then mid-cycle, they do the retrieval.

Here's the deal with that - She would get IV sedation, they go in vaginally, and then go off roading. They are watching on ultrasound, and use a needle to suck the fluid out of all the follicles. Many, but not all of the follicles will have eggs in them, some but not all of which will be mature. The rate of follicles aspirated to mature eggs is about 70%.

Then, they put the eggies and spermies together for fertilization and watch for a few days.

The following day is considered "day 1" and on day 3 or 5 they transfer a few and freeze the rest.

(That's the only numbers I hear. I don't know if they ever do it on day 4. That's odd. So to speak.)

The transfer is done just like the IUI, with a catheter through the cervix, except that afterward they would send me home to bed for 24 hours.

If we do all the IUIs we have coming to us first, we could not do an IVF cycle before Shrike's birthday, so we have to find out if that's ok.

Of course, we hope that will all be moot three weeks from now, but if this cycle doesn't work, I kind of feel like maybe we should talk to Dr E about what our odds are for 3 more IUIs and whether we're throwing good money after bad, continuing that.

I'm really not thrilled about the idea of having to borrow that kind of money, and I'm not yet totally ok with giving up on my eggs, but if doing all 6 IUIs means we're just going to piss away another $5000, without much luck of it working, and then still have to do IVF, what's the point?
(Also, each cycle, I become more and more ok with just getting the job done, whatever it takes.)

On the other hand, as Shrike pointed out, who can predict what will happen, and if we give up on IUI before we use up all our cycles, will we always wonder if we would have really had to go to IVF if we'd kept trying?

So, we'll keep all this in mind, and will do what we need to in order to be ready for the IVF if it comes to that, but in the meantime we'll be keeping our fingers crossed for one of these 3 follicles that I've got right now to be a keeper!

Car Update

After some sage advice from Anonymama:

Go with quality as well as price. A cheap car that has too many miles or is not what you need is no bargain. Also check it's history as best you can. That is the sum of my wisdom. Look long term. And don't miss a good deal because the people you have to deal with are jerks. Good luck.

followed by some encouragement from Shrike:
This is one thing that could be easier for us if you suck it up. I agree, buy the car. Tell them off and write a letter to someone.

I think I've decided to go ahead and buy the Suzuki from the dealership that pissed me off.

After all that, we stil have to go to the bank on Wednesday (when we get back in town, after the IUI) to sign the loan papers and pick up the check, then we'll go to the dealership to sign papers there and pick up the car.

Unless, of course, I change my mind again in the next thirty-six hours.

Manic Monday #15

  1. What is your least favorite day of the week and why?
    Monday, for all the cliched reasons.

  2. What's the best way to end the day?
    Snugged in bed with Shrike.
  3. Which animal would you have left out of the ark?
    Cockroaches. They are the most vile creatures ever. I'm shuddering a bit, just typing the word.

Learn more about Manic Monday.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Holding Patterns

I had to work yesterday morning, and when I got home, we went over to the car dealership to sign the papers and pick up the car.

However, when we got there, we found out that they didn't have the paperwork together. After talking to our bank on Tuesday, I'd told the salesman to fax the purchase agreement to them, and they would fax back the loan approval.

He says that he gave the purchase agreement to their financing person, and asked her to send it, but now she's on vacation.

In the four days between then and when I was showing up to get the car, he never bothered to check on whether the paperwork was in, and acted like he didn't know what I was talking about when I said that he should have it. Then, the sales manager tried to shift he blame, and when I said, "So, what do we do now?" he replied, "Get a new bank."

That really pissed me off.

So, there's nothing to be done until Monday morning, when they can talk to the bank and get the paperwork.

That means that we will have to make another trip over there to sign the papers (or separate trips, unless we wait until Saturday) and that it will be a few more days before we can get the car.

If we even get it at all, because now I'm not sure I even want their fucking car.

When we left there, we looked at several other dealerships that we'd not hit last weekend. I basically told the sales people there that I had an offer, but the dealership pissed me off, and if they could give me a better deal, I'd take it.

I test drove a couple that were a better price - a 2001 (?) Kia Rio Cinco that would be $500 less than the Suzuki (out the door) and a 2002 (?) PT Cruiser (silver, not electric blue) for $200 less - but neither was a better deal, when you consider features, age, mileage and warranty.

I've cooled down a bit from being pissed off, but I'm still not sure what to do.

The Suzuki is a great little car, and a great deal, but I'm not sure that I'm in love with it. I realized as I was sitting at the dealership, waiting on the paperwork (which, of course, never came) that I was not nearly as giddy as I ought to be, for someone about to buy a car that nice.

Maybe it's just because I hate the idea of spending the money, or maybe that's just not the car that I really want, but even before yesterday, I was glad that we'd found a good car at a good price, but not overly excited about that car.

So, I just don't know what to do now. The salesman will be calling me back tomorrow, after he talks to the bank, and if we're not going to buy it, I really have to tell him then, because despite having it in writing that my $200 deposit is refundable if I change my mind, I really don't trust that we can stretch this out much further and still get it back.

I know the car is a great deal, but I also know that we can find something cheaper (we've seen cheaper).

Maybe we can't find something that nice for cheaper, but do we really need something that nice?
Shrike doesn't like the Rio for a variety of reasons, including that it's older, has more miles on it and less warranty, but I could have lived with the manual locks, windows and mirrors, and the fact that I could only put one CD at a time its player.

Maybe I'm not going to find anything we can afford that is so "WOW" that I just have to have it, but if I'm going to just be buying the car that's the smart choice, not the emotional choice, then maybe we should get a good deal on a more basic car and pay less.


Help me, Interwebs! What to do?!?

In other news, we made the drive down to the RE's main office for monitoring this morning, and saw the following:

Uterine lining: 10.6 mm
Right side follicles: 17.1 mm, 12.0 mm
Left side follicles: 16.8 mm, 16.0 mm, 13.0 mm

The ones under 15 mm are probably too small to mature in time, which is fine, because I might be a little nervous about inseminating with five eggs. It does look like we ought to be able to get three, though.

The bigger ones are not quite ready yet, so instead of inseminating tomorrow and Tuesday, as I'd expected, I will do another FSH injection tonight, and go back for more monitoring on Tuesday morning. I'm assuming that we'll trigger Tuesday evening, and do the IUIs Wednesday and Thursday.

(Insert turkey baster joke here.)

I had to pay an additional $120 for the 2 vials of Bravelle (FSH) to do the extra injection, which I was none too thrilled about. I hope I can get my insurance to reimburse for half. They are not going to like it, since it didn't come from their very special pharmacy, but I will just explain that there was no choice; I found out this morning that I had to take it this evening. They couldn't have possibly gotten it to me by then.

So, we will inseminate sometime this week, but we don't know when and we might buy a car, too, but who the fuck knows.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Photo Hunter #35: I Love ________


This photo was taken with my cellphone, at the car dealership this afternoon.

The image quality is crappy, but the bike and the girl are hot!

(Don't worry, Anonymama, nobody's buying - or riding - a bike. Just posing for photos.)

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More Photos


Katr (one of my bestest friends for like - oh my God - twenty-five years) and Roro (her lovely, and hilarious, partner) are getting big gay married today.

Congratulations, ladies, we sure wish we could be there!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Week in Review

On the one hand, it seems like it's been a busy week, on the other hand, I really can't think of a damn thing to say about it.

So far, so good with my increased meds. I had some ovarianish pain on one side earlier this evening, but that seems to have subsided.

What you don't want to do, though, is slip while removing the cap from the needle and stab yourself in the finger, making a big ol' bruise right at the joint. That was worse than all the belly shots combined!

My first thought (after "What the fuck!?!") was to be worried that I'd lost some of the Bravelle. As expensive as that stuff is, I don't want to waste even a drop!!!

But, I hadn't hit the plunger at all, and I'd not used that needle to draw it up, so there wasn't even any in it yet.

Although, if my finger starts ovulating, we'll know why :-)

I had a couple of political events this week, but nothing of the big-event-I'm-in-charge-of variety, so that wasn't too stressful.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday (Happy Birthday, Anonymama!) which means I need to get some shopping done. (Yeah, we're always late with birthday gifts. We kind of suck, that way.)

Today was our monthly business meeting in OldWorkTown. That's always a kind of wierd mixture of looking forward to seeing everyone from the other centers, especially the folks that I used to work with there, and not so much looking forward to the boring meeting parts of the day.

Of course, I do my best to keep the meeting intersting with my witty banter and smart-assed asides. (ass-sides?)

I got my hair cut on the way home, which is always more exciting than it deserves to be, because, by the time it's been three whole weeks since the last cut, I'm so annoyed with "looking like a damn hippy" (ie, it's more than a quarter inch long).

I have to work tomorrow morning, which I'm not looking forward to, but once I get that out of the way, the day should pick up.

First, we'll go sign the paperwork to get my new car, then we're going to the Holiday Parade, followed by dinner and drinks with some friends.

Then, Sunday will be a visit to the dildo-cam, mostly likely followed by IUIs on Monday and Tuesday.

See what I mean, not a whole hell of a lot to worth talking about over the past few days.

And, yet, I will.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #37

I'm a little late getting this posted, but I did start composing it yesterday. My computer was misbehaving, so I rebooted it and went to watch a bit of tv. I fell asleep on the couch and the next thing I knew, Shrike was home from work, waking me up. So, here it is now.

Thirteen Features of My Actual New Car
Compare to last week's list, to see how we did.

  1. Four Doors
  2. Three rear seatbelts
  3. Hatchback / wagon
  4. Cruise control
  5. Electric Yellow
  6. Rear window defrost
  7. Tilt steering wheel
  8. Keyless entry
  9. Pretty cool looking
  10. 2004
  11. Less than 21,500 miles
  12. $8500, "out the door"
  13. 6-disc in-dash CD changer

Not bad.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen Blog Roll

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Ten on Tuesday #9

Ten Songs That Bring Back Memories

Last week, for our anniversary, Shrike made me a mix CD of love songs. ("Mix CD" just doesn't have the same "ring" to it as "mix tape" does it?)

Back when we were first together - or, more accurately, before we were physically together, when we were just talking online - we made each other several mix tapes.

So, this CD was sort of a triple-whammy - it was sweet that she went to the effort to put it together; listening to each song, it really means a lot to know that she picked it out just for me, and that it says how she feels; and the whole "mix" concept itself brings back memories of our "courtship."


However, all that said - since she went out of her way to include only "new" (not on any of our previous mix tapes) songs on this CD, the specific songs don't really "bring back memories" so much.

But, it's what made me think to go this route and make a list of songs that mean a lot to us, as a couple (rather than the Big 80s Flashback that I was considering at first), so I wanted to explain all that.

Also, because I didn't blog about it at the time, and I should have, so all the interwebs can know how sweet she is.

These are mostly the "prelude" songs from our wedding, which were playing for the last thirty minutes or so before the ceremony, as the guests were seated. Many (most?) came from our mix tapes, and all had special meaning to us in the first three years of our relationship.

  1. Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
  2. Carmen - Paula Cole
  3. Keep It Precious - Melissa Etheridge
  4. Power of Two - Indigo Girls
  5. Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
  6. Ice Cream - Sarah McLachlan
  7. My Love, Sweet Love - Patti LaBelle
  8. From This Moment - Shania Twain
  9. Sleep - Melissa Etheridge (played during the ceremony)
  10. And a bonus, brand new song, which will be played the next time we get married - legally: I've Loved You Before - Melissa Etheridge
Learn More About Ten on Tuesday

Monday, November 12, 2007

Manic Monday #14

  1. What family traditions or customs would you most like to see preserved?

    There are a lot more traditions than those associated with the holidays, but it's November, so those are the first ones that come to mind. I've thought a lot about what traditions from each of our families that I'd like to pass on to our kid, and about ones that I'd like to establish for our family. These include:
    • Snuggling on the couch with hot chocolate or eggnog or somesuch, listening to the Nutcracker Suite, watching the Christmas tree - especially on the first night that it's decorated
    • Driving around looking at Christmas lights
    • Gathering with family for Christmas dinner and gifts
    • Buying gifts for an "Angel Tree" kid
    • Our annual Christmas party with friends
    • Christmas stockings for everyone - adults included
    • Several traditional Christmas dishes from each of our moms

  2. What do you feel is the least sexy part of the body?
    The elbow.

  3. What keeps you awake at night? Why?
    You mean besides BigGaloot jumping on our bodies as we sleep? Sometimes I am kept awake fretting about any number of things - work, money, baby plans, baby money, work after the baby, making money while working after the baby, you get the gist. Other times, I just think about a lot of things as I'm going to sleep. These days, it's generally baby things.

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Car Talk

I think we've decided against the Cruiser, for a variety of reasons.

Not the least of which is that I have serious doubts as to whether I'm cool enough to pull it off.

Seriously, we really like the looks of the Suzuki, and I test drove it this evening. Shrike was at work, but I didn't want to wait until Saturday (the first time we can get there together) to see it up close.

It drives pretty well and is just as nice inside as it is outside. I'm pretty sure we're going to get it, unless our research turns up something really bad about that model.

I told the salesman that it was more than we really wanted to spend, and told him that we'd really like to be "out the door" for a nice round number, almost $400 less than the price of the car - and a little more than $1000 less than the "out the door" price.

After the drive, he asked if we'd have a deal if he could get it for me at my price, and I said sure, with the caveat about the research.

After talking with his boss (yeah, I know, that's all a big game "Let's me see what I can do. Well, my boss won't go for that, but . . . .") he offered to "split the difference" between their price and mine, and offered it to me "out the door" (including tax, title, tags, fees, etc) for $500 more than the price I'd suggested, and barely $100 more than their starting sticker price.

Not too bad, considering that I didn't expect them to budge at all. Of course, now I'm thinking I should've said we wanted to be $500 lower than that!

I still want to check with our insurance company and see what it's going to do to our premiums there. I'm sure it will cost more than the Escort, and I want to include that in my calculations

I put down a $200 refundable deposit, which will hold it through the weekend.

The salesman is going to call me back tomorrow with the warranty details (with barely 21,000 miles on it, there should be a good bit of factory warranty left).

We'll talk it over a bit more and will probably give him an answer tomorrow or Wednesday, pending checking out a few little things, like the cd player/changer (6 disc, in-dash), and making sure they work or will be fixed (for the price we've been quoted).

More Flexible

After seeing my photo of MamaCat not showing off her flexibility, LadyKay sent me this photo of her boy cat. Now, that's more like it!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Or, Maybe This One

We also like this 2004 Suzuki Aerio SX. It has 21,130 miles on it, and costs about $500 less than the PT Cruiser.

Taking gas mileage into account, we're looking at about $15 less per pay check (every two weeks).

Here's a comparison between the two.

What to do?

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Auto Erotica

We went car shopping today and, God help me, I think I'm in love.
That's not a stock photo, it's the actual car that we're looking at - a 2003 Chrysler PT Cruiser GT Turbo, with less than 37,500 miles on it. That color is called Electric Blue.

Here are a few reviews of this model:

You can see some more photos of the actual car here.

And, would you believe, it's actually in our price range!

Of all the dealerships we visited today, it was one of maybe three cars that fit our no-compromise criteria (4-door, hatchback or wagon, 5 passenger) and was also in our price range.

We would have like to have found something a bit lower in that range, but didn't really expect to.

We might still be able to, at the place where we bought our two current cars (we didn't make it there today), but none as cool as this, I'm sure, or with mileage this low.

Even $1000 - $2000 less only translates to a $10 or $20 per paycheck savings on the payment and, hell, we can piss away that much in a couple of weeks, and never even notice it.

Of course, we'd rather that my Escort had hung in there for a few more months - or years - but given that we we have to get something, I think we're leaning pretty strongly toward this one.

The dealership is closed until Monday, so we've got time to discuss it some more, but I suspect the decision has been made.

Photo Hunter #33: Flexible

This is MomaCat. I couldn't get her to smile for the camera or to do anything particularly flexible, but she's a cat, she really doesn't have to prove it.
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Friday, November 9, 2007


I went to see the dildo-cam again this morning, and as soon as I walked in the door of the clinic, Nurse E spotted me and came over to say, "I have great news - you've been approved for the shared risk program! Dr. E is going to talk to you about it; she's been waiting for you."

(I'll bet she had been. I was about thirty minutes late getting there!)

While I was waiting, Dr. E stopped by on her way back to her office to tell me that the problem was that she'd not made clear to the committee that I was an established patient, who'd already been trying (and failing) to get pregnant with my own eggs.

She told me that she was emailing them, "This is ridiculous!" and once she said something about me being an established patient, they were like, "OH! Well, why didn't you tell us that? That's totally different!"

So, we're still hoping, of course, that we don't need to go down that road at all, but if we do, at least we know that it might be possible to pay the toll.

Oh, I almost forgot the dildo-cam report!

I have 11 antral follicles - six on the right, and five on the left.

My FSH and Ovidrel injections were delivered today, and Shrike picked up by Clomid at our local pharmacy, so I'm ready to go!

Edited to Add:
Best part of the conversation with Dr E, other than the approval itself?

When she was telling me about emailing the committee, she did the little typing-fingers-mime-thing as she quoted herself.

Hee. I love it when other people are as dorky as I am.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

An Email I Sent Today

To the Shared Risk and Ethics Committees of Our Fertility Clinic:
I'm writing in response to the ethics committee's rejection of our application for admission to the IVF Shared Risk program.

We are now starting our 5th IUI cycle (3rd medicated cycle), but if I've not gotten pregnant after six medicated cycles, we would like to attempt IVF.

Because of my age (dob 5/11/68), and because at that point, we will have had eight failed attempts using my own eggs, we would like to use my partner, Shrike's, eggs for IVF.

It is my understanding that the shared risk committee feels that Shrike would be an excellent donor candidate, but that the ethics committee has rejected our request, because "there is no medical reason that Shrike could not carry a pregnancy."

First, one of the things that we learned during Shrike's initial Day 3 ultrasound was that she has several small uterine fibroids, which would explain the painful and heavy periods that she's been experiencing.

It's my understanding that fibroids could negatively affect her abilty to get and stay pregnant, if we were to attempt that.

In fact, during the exam, Dr. E told us that, "It's a good thing that Whozat's the one who'll be carrying the pregnancy."

More to the point, though, I want to clarify that our goal, all along, has been for me to get pregnant, not her.

We're not asking for approval for me to serve as a surrogate for her, but for her to serve as an egg donor for me.

Pregnancy, childbirth, and all that goes along with that, are an experience that I have wanted very much, for as long as I can remember and, while I know that I will love our child just as much, whether I give birth it, or someone else does - even a stranger, if we were to end up adopting - I also know that I will always feel as though I have missed out on something very important if I never get to have that experience myself.

It's my understanding that I would be approved for the shared risk program if I were using anonymous donor eggs, or if I were using another known donor, such as a sister or friend.

I feel very lucky that, if I'm unable to get pregnant with my eggs, there's an extra pair of ovaries in our relationship that could still make it possible for me to carry and give birth to a child that is genetically "ours." It doesn't seem fair to deny me that opportunity, just because there's also a spare uterus around.

I certainly appreciate your concern for all of the ethical issues involved, and I understand that there are many, many things that must be taken into consideration when dealing with such cutting-edge technology in such a sensitive area as the very creation of life, but if you would have no ethical concerns with our using anonymous donor eggs, and creating a child who will never know either of its biological parents (whatever route we take, we are using anonymous donor sperm), I don't understand why there would be a concern about using my partner's egg, and creating a child who will have a biological connection (either genetic or gestational) to both of its parents - a loving, committed couple, who have been together for ten years.

The practice of lesbian couples doing IVF to impregnate one partner using the other partner's eggs is becoming relatively common, and many reproductive endocrinology practices are doing it.

In fact, Shrike's cousin and her partner have a three-month-old son who was conceived that way, at a clinic in CousinCity, BlueState. Her cousin, who was 37 at the time, provided the egg, and her partner, who is in her late forties, carried the pregnancy.

So far, we have been very pleased with the care and attention that we've received from all of the doctors, nurses and other staff at Our Fertility Clinic, and we want very much to stay with your practice, but if I am unable to get pregnant within four more medicated IUI cycles (for a total of six cycles), and we are unable to obtain approval to do IVF using Shrike's eggs, under the shared risk plan, we will have to investigate other options, and consider other clinics.

In light of this information, I hope that you will reconsider your decision, and will approve our request.

Thank you,
Whozat & Shrike

Ten Years Ago Today . . .

. . . on an message board called The Shark's Den:

Whozat: I've just read all the messages here and I feel like I "know" everyone, so I thought I should introduce myself. I'm 29 and questioning.

Shrike: Whozat, questioning what, exactly?

Whozat: Well, it's a long story, so fix yourself a cup of coffee, sit back and listen . . .
. . . and the rest, as they say, is history.

I had completely stumbled upon the Den that evening, through a long, convoluted seried of searches and clicks, and I don't know what possessed me to actually post - something I'd never done before.

I don't know how I ever managed to find my way back there the next evening, to see that someone named Shrike (what the hell is that?) had replied, and I don't know what suddenly made me comfortable enough to post that long reply (not shown above), telling the whole story of how I came to be not just "questioning," but lurking - and posting - on a lesbian message board.

I do know that it set in motion what were probably the craziest, scariest, most exciting, most bizarre, most intense few months of my life, and I also know that it was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I'm not a big believer in much of anything supernatural, but I have a very hard time fathoming that it could have been just chance that we not only ended up on the same message board, but that she was the very first person to reply to my very first post.

From those very first posts, there was just an immediate connection, an immediate attraction, an immediate need to spend every possible moment "with" her - first exchanging message board posts, then emailing, then on the phone, and six months later - finally, thank God - in person, when she moved to Texas to live with me.

And since then . . .

In the past ten years, we've been through career changes, and periods of unemployment, and cross-country moves.

We’ve lived in a tiny 2-room apartment with the shower in the living room, and we’ve bought a beautiful home together. (Thankfully in that order!)

We’ve raised two puppies together, and we’ve fought over who has to clean up after “my” cats.

We’ve been on family trips with the in-laws, romantic weekends for just the two of us and, believe me, a few downright awful vacations that we’d both prefer to forget.

We've joined each others families, and with them we have celebrated births, weddings, graduations and milestone anniversaries. We've also grieved the deaths of loved ones, some expected and merciful, some shocking and tragic.

And now, we are hoping to embark, together, on what may well prove to be the biggest adventure of our lives - parenthood.

If someone had told me all of this ten years ago, I never would have believed it.

These first ten years together have not always been easy, but I believe that everything we've been through has been a necessary step along the path to where we stand today.

And where we stand today is a pretty damn nice place, and I'm sure glad we're standing here together.

Happy anniversary, Sweetheart.

I love you.

And I always have.

Thursday Thirteen #36

Thirteen Features I'm Looking For in a New-To-Us Car

  1. Four Doors (the better for loading the kid and the carseat)
  2. Three rear seatbelts (the safest place for a carseat is the center)
  3. Hatchback or maybe a station wagon (I loves me some cargo space)
  4. Cruise control (because I'm lazy)
  5. Sunroof (because I'm soooo jealous of Shrike's)
  6. Red or Cobalt Blue (duh)
  7. Rear window defrost (winter's just around the corner)
  8. Tilt steering wheel (to make room for my soon-to-be-pregnant belly)
  9. Keyless entry (I've gotten spoiled, driving Shrike's car for a few days)
  10. Not dorky looking (I like to keep 'em guessing)
  11. Less than five years old (we need it to last for a while)
  12. Less than 50,000 miles (ditto)
  13. Priced under $5000 (because we're broke)

So, got any idea where I can find this car? Other than in my fucking dreams?

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Auto Update

We're giving up on my car.

I thought we could have them put it back together with chewing gum and scotch tape and it might hold out for another month or two, but when I talked to the mechanic this morning, he said that they'd gotten the head back from the machine shop, and it's cracked all the way across.

He didn't actually refuse to put it back in, but just about.

He said that it's definitely going to leak water into the oil and blow the engine. Probably sooner rather than later.

he said that it could happen on the initial start-up, or on its first trip around the block.

His exact words were, "If you put that head back on, it's got a death sentence."

(I'm wondering if this was the same guy who thought he's heard a "death whirl" coming from it a few months ago.)

I also found out that they've already done about $180 worth of work on it, just to diagnose the program that we're not fixing.

So, now our decision is whether to pay them that and another $35 to tow it to our house, so we can try to get something for it on a trade-in, or whether to just go get all my stuff out of it, and let them sell it to the salvage guy for us.

He said that it will probably only bring about $75 for salvage, and none of the three dealerships that I called were willing to give us any more than that.

One is double-checking with his boss, and will get back to me, but he's pretty sure about it.

So, unless he calls back and offers us significantly more, I guess we'll go the salvage route, and try to recoup at least a bit of what we're having to pay them for telling us all this.

So, now I guess we have to buy a car.

I think I'd like to try to hang in there with the truck for a few weeks, and wait til closer to Christmas, when the deals are better.

Hopefully, by then, we'll be pregnant and won't have that unknown amount of baby-making bills looming ahead of us. (Just that slightly-less-unknown amount of baby-raising bills.)

In the meantime, Shrike's suggested that we go ahead and start looking, which seems like a fine idea, but I know us.

As soon as we set foot on a car lot, we're going to be buying a car. I have no doubt.

So, I think we ought to just not even go until we're reall ready to buy.

On the other hand, I've been looking online, and I'm already getting in the mood . . . .

Ouch! or Bloggin' 'bout my Noggin'

This afternoon, one of the printers at work ran out of toner, so I went in the store room to look for a new cartridge.

After trying one that turned out to be for a different printer, I finally spotted a box with the right label, sitting on top of a file box, on the very top shelf.

The only other person there at the time was one of our teachers, who uses a wheelchair, so I was pretty much on my own, to get it down.

I stood on my tippy-toes, and started to pull the file box off the shelf.

I figured I would tilt it toward me, let the toner box slide forward, and catch it before it came off of the other box.

This plan would have worked, had the toner box been sealed.

However, it was open, and as it tilted, the cartridge itself was somehow launched from the box, flew through the air, and bounced off the top of my head!

The teacher was sitting there watching the whole thing, so I was trying to be all cool about it at first, picking up the cartridge, putting it back in the box, acting like nothing had happened.

Then, I just stopped and said, "Man, that really hurt."

He was all, "Yeah, I guess so. I can't believe you're not bleeding."

It didn't help that I'd already had a bit of a headache for a while, and had taken Tylenol a couple of hours before.

That was nothing compared to the headache that I had for the rest of the afternoon!

There's a big ol' knot on my head now (which is something of a relief, actually, because at first, it felt more like a dent!) and Shrike says that you can see a red mark (there's not much hair to cover it up).

I tried to get a photo of it for my Wordless Wednesday post, but you couldn't see anything in the picture.

Oh, and the worst part?

After all that, it turned out that the cartridge was empty.

And thank God. If it had been full of toner, I could have been killed!

Wordless Wednesday #33: Oh My Gourd!

These are left over decorations from our Halloween party.

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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Cranking It Up

I heard back from Nurse E today, with instructions for my next cycle.

We will be ratcheting things up a bit more, and now this is the most agressive that we can do, short of IVF.

She said that if I don't get pregnant with this protocol (not necessarily this cycle, but within the four more IUI cycles that I've got coming), "there was nothing else you could do to make it happen for the IUI route."

So, let's hope it does the trick, and if it doesn't, at least we'll know that we tried everything we could, before bringing out the really big guns (and the big debt).

So, the plan from here on out is:

Clomid 100 mg, days 3 - 7 (same schedule, but the dosage is doubled)
FSH injections, 150 IU, days 5, 7, 9 (same dosage, but an additional injection)

As it turns out, that won't cost much more than the previous protocol.

The Clomid is only about $5 / pill, so it will be $50 instead of $25. Not a big deal, in the grand scheme.

The Bravelle (FSH) comes in a box of five 75 IU vials, so it takes 2 vials to make one injection.

As you may remembr, on the first medicated cycle I ended up with a third injection on short notice, so I used all five vials, plus a sample that Nurse E scrounged for me.

Last cycle, I only did two shots, though, so I have one vial left.

That means that the one box that I would have needed anyway will give me enough to do all three shots.

At about $350 / box (of which I pay 50%) I'm very relieved to not have to buy a second box.

My understanding of the theory with behind the meds is that we're probably getting egg and sperm together, or at least seem to be getting them all in the same place at the same time, but that most of my eggs are duds.

In the prior medicated cycles I still only had one (maybe 2) mature follicles the first time and two (possibly 3) the second time.

Hopefully, by upping the meds, I'll have more like three or four (but not five or six!) eggs dropping at once, increasing the odds of at least (exactly!) one being a keeper.

I'm really hoping that this will make the difference - preferably this next cycle.

In addition to, of course, the whole wanting of the baby now, damn it, the financial side of it is really starting to freak me out - especially with this whole car issue looming over us.

The other night I added up what we've spent so far and I couldn't believe it.

With nothing to show for it yet.

You know, it would be much simpler if we just rolled up hundred dollar bills, and shoved them up my hoo-ha.

(I can't wait to see what kind of freaks Google themselves into the middle of that sentence.)

Car Woes

It's Election Day in Blue State, so I played hooky to spend some time working at the polls, making phone calls, and the such.

I spent about an hour outside one of our busier polling place this morning, then came home for a break.

I'd planned to head back out for the "lunch rush" but while I was home, we got a phone call from the mechanic who's working on my car. It was not good news.

It seems that, rather than a leaking head gasket, I actually have a cracked head.

That is, my car has a cracked head.

Which I need like, well, a cracked head.

Mind you, I really don't know what any of this means until he boils it down to dollars and cents.

The answer: Lots and lots of dollars. And a few cents.

The gasket was going to be about $500 to fix.

To replace the head will be more like, well, here's how the conversation went:

Mechanic: "parts . . . labor . . . oil change . . . tax . . . I'm at around $1300 now. And, you know, your windshield is cracked."

Whozat: "Yeah. It's not going to pass inspection (in February) like that, is it?"

Mechanic: "Nope."

Whozat: "How much for that?"

Mechanic: "Another 2, 3 hundred. And I see at least one tire that probably needs to be replaced."

Whozat: "This is not $1500 car, is it?"

Mechanic: "Not really."

Soooooo, I blew off the lunch shift at the polls (it wasn't assigned or anything, I was just taking it upon myself to go above and beyond) and joined Shrike on her dog walk, so we could talk about the whole car situation.

The one thing we're certain of is that we're not going to put $1500 into a car that the Kelley Blue Book says would be worth about $900 if it were in excellent condition.

Which it totally is not.

Even in "good" condition (which is questionable, even after the repair), it might be worth about $500.

In its current condition . . .

Well, surely we could get at least that much for it, just for scrap, right?

If we don't replace the head, and just put it all back together and put some "stop leak" in it, there's no way to know how long it will hold out before it leaks water into the oil or who into the whatnow and something that sounds like it's probably a bad thing happens, resulting in a sudden lack of go.

Mechanic: "I can't tell you if it'll give you another 1000 miles, or 5000 or 100,000 . . . ."

Whozat: "Or 100?"

Mechanic: "Right."

I don't know if continuing to drive it with the leak would just mean that it's going to stop at some point, or if it could lead to something catastrophic happening to the engine, but I'm thinking that wouldn't really put it in much worse shape that it is now, in terms of trade-in value.

And, I have a cell phone and AAA and travel mostly on the interstate, so I'm not really worried about being "stranded somewhere" if it suddenly decides that it doesn't want to start. Or wants to stop.

(To be safe, I can toss a couple of -40°-rated sleeping bags in the back til spring. If it lasts that long.)

The upside is that if it poops out on us before we're ready to buy a new one, we actually do have a third vehicle. A couple of years ago, we bought a very used small pick-up truck from Shrike's dad.

Mostly it sits in the driveway, but we use it for hauling things occassionally (she's used it a lot lately to get lots and lots and lots of mulch and compost for the yard) and if we're down a car, it will get someone to work and back.

(Usually Shrike, because I work farther away, so I get to take the good car. Also, I think she likes it.)

I'm not real keen on the truck being one of our main vehicles, but it is an option, to buy us some time.

So, we'd decided to just blow off the repair and hope it lasts a while longer, at least til we have some clue how much more money we're going to be spending on Project Baby. (More on that in a moment.)

I called the mechanic back and told him not to fix it, just put it back together. That's when he pointed out that "putting it back together" would, basically, be the originally-planned $500 replacement of the gasket.


So, while the decision to not put $1500 into it was a no-brainer, now we're trying to decide whether to put $500 into it.

It occurred to me (after the garage had closed for the evening) that they've probably already earned a good bit of the that $500, though, for the time they've spent diagnosing it, then tearing it apart.

So, now I have to call them and find out how much we'd owe if we were to just stop right now, and have it towed away. And then we'll decide whether:

a> it's worth the difference between that and $500, or

b> if we can find someone to buy it from us for more than that amount if
we just pay them to get it back and then sell it, or

c> if the mechanic wants to "buy" it from us for that amount, and just
call it even (as our transmission guy did with Shrike's last car, because we
owed him for a bunch of pointless work)

Shrike's "gear-head" buddy at work has advised us to go "all or nothing," either suck it up and fix it right, or cut our losses and get a new one.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I think that, whether we fix it or ditch it, we'll probably hold off as long as we can on buying a new ("new to us," of course, not actually "new-new") one.

I would sure feel better about doing that if I were already pregnant, and we didn't have that big financial (and everything else) question hanging over us.

On the other hand, would it be smarter to go ahead and buy one in December, when the dealers are trying to unload their inventory?

Earlier today, I was bemoaning the fact that, although I know a lot of people through my political dealings, unfortunately, none of them are used car salesmen.

Shrike said, "That's because they have no souls. So they're Republicans."

Ten on Tuesday #8

Yano is back from vacation and has posted a new topic. As luck would have it, I get to use all those word that I rejected yesterday!

Ten Words to Describe Me
(With some help from Shrike. Okay, a lot of help from Shrike.)

  1. Intelligent
  2. Lovable
  3. Silly
  4. Understanding
  5. Cute
  6. Persistant
  7. Loving
  8. Bossy
  9. Sweet
  10. Affectionate
Learn More About Ten on Tuesday

Monday, November 5, 2007


Nurse E called this afternoon to confirm that my beta was, indeed, negative.

Which, of course, I already knew.

No sense repeating myself, so just see this post.

And this one.

And this one.

Manic Monday #13

  1. Describe yourself in one word:

  2. What is your favorite kitchen utensil and why?
    The microwave, because I'm too impatient to wait more than 90 seconds to eat.

  3. What is the one thing that frightens you the most about growing old?
    At the moment, it's that I may already be too old to get pregnant using my own eggs.

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Sunday, November 4, 2007


November is NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, when bloggers across the country (and beyond, actually), commit to posting on their blogs every day for a month.

Well, I pretty much post daily anyway, so I figure there's no reason not to sign on!

Friday, November 2, 2007

From the Department of Much Better News for Other Folks

Congratulations to OneOfHisMoms (and the other one) and The Cutest Little Babymakers In Town, who've both gotten positive betas in the past couple of days!

Both couples have been at this a lot longer than we have, so I'm not only thrilled for them, but heartened by their success.

(Shrike keeps reminding me that "these things happen in threes" and I shouldn't give up on the peanuts just yet.)

An Even Bigger Dork Than Previously Reported

A few weeks ago, when I bought this necklace, I wrote a check for $11.66, for it and the candle that came with it.

This evening, as I was balancing the checkbook (shudder) I noticed that only $11.00 had been withdrawn from our account.

Evidently, either the store's bank or ours misread my handwriting. (Easy to do.)

So I'm mailing them 66 cents in change.

Because, you know, what if the baby mojo doesn't get activated until it's fully paid for?

No News is . . . Well, Kind of Crappy News, Actually

If you're following along in the sidebar (and, really, who isn't?) you'll have noticed that I've seen negative pee sticks yesterday and today.

As Shrike keeps reminding me, it's not definite until we do the beta on Monday, but at 12/13 days post-IUI, it's really not a good sign.

I'll keep testing until Monday, and will keep hoping for a second line to appear, but I'm certainly not expecting it.

Hell, I wasn't expecting it yesterday or today, either.

I know I don't have a lot of right to whine yet, on just our fourth attempt but, you know, it's really getting kind of old. Already.

It's my understanding that what we're doing is as aggressive as we can go, short of IVF, which is a bit frustrating, because I feel like we should do something more or at least something different next time to increase our odds.

The problem is, I'm 39 years old (39.5 by the next time I ovulate) and we're using frozen sperm, and there's only so good the odds are going to get.

We get four more attempts at IUI, then we have to give up or move on to IVF.

No word yet on Shrike's bloodwork, or on when we can expect a decision from the shared risk committee on whether they'll accept us to use Shrike's (38.5 y/o) eggs.

Even if they do - or if they don't , and we try IVF with anonmyous (young) donor eggs, under the shared risk program - there's still the matter of coming up with the money.

Did I mention the money?

Using donor eggs (known or anonmyous) the shared risk cost is about $30,000.

No, I didn't type any extra zeros.

30-fucking-thousand dollars.

That gets you six attempts (plus transfers of any frozen embryos left after those six) and you get a live baby, or your money back.

Which is great, in that if it doesn't work, you're not out the money.

But if it does - $30,000 of debt. And a new baby.

Holy shit.

We have about $40,000 of equity in our home, so that would be our best bet for coming up with that kind of money, but we'd have to do some serious figuring, as to how we'd manage the payments.

Of course, even if we don't have to go that route, we've still got plenty of other money issues to fret about.

I do feel a bit better, though, since I realized that Shrike has an "extra" paycheck this month.

(A few months ago, we started pretending that she gets paid twice a money, rather than every two weeks.)

That means that we now have almost enough in savings for two more cycles (clomid, FSH, HCG trigger, 2 ultrasounds, 2 IUIs and 2 vials of sperm).

Oh, wait a minute - we have enough minus the $500+ that we're going to spend next week on replacing the head gasket in my car.

(Whatever the fuck that is. Our mechanic seems to think it's important, though.)

Over those two months, we'll put a bit more into the savings account, but not enough for a 3rd (7th) cycle, so I'm not sure what happens at that point.

(So, if anyone's wondering what to get us for Christmas . . . .)

And then - then - I start worrying about how we're going to manage once we actually finally do have a baby.

There's not a ot of extra money lying around for baby expenses including childcare for about 30 hours a week, when our work schedules overlap.

I'd really, really, really love to be able to work from home, but we're not sure how to mangage that.

I might be able to get some work from OldJob, but it would have to be enough to cover the mortgage, plus health insurance. That might be a stretch.

(Shrike will be able to insure the kid, so that's good. Cue righteous anger at the fact that Shrike can't insure me.)

But, I guess we have time to figure that part out.

Something more than nine months, evidently.

Damn it.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #35

Thirteen "Pet Names" Commonly Heard Around our House
(not necessarily referring to actual pets)

  1. Boo-Boo
  2. Pupper-Doodles
  3. (Real name)-er-Doodle-Doodle-Doo-Doo-Head (and friends)
  4. (Real name)-er-Rooty-Tooty-Fluffy-Booty-Dog (and friends)
  5. Shithead
  6. Sweet Cheese
  7. Bubba Pup / Cat
  8. Mutton Head
  9. Little Miss Prancy Pants
  10. Lefty
  11. Jackass
  12. Doodle-Bug
  13. Baby Cake
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