An Email I Sent Today

To the Shared Risk and Ethics Committees of Our Fertility Clinic:
I'm writing in response to the ethics committee's rejection of our application for admission to the IVF Shared Risk program.

We are now starting our 5th IUI cycle (3rd medicated cycle), but if I've not gotten pregnant after six medicated cycles, we would like to attempt IVF.

Because of my age (dob 5/11/68), and because at that point, we will have had eight failed attempts using my own eggs, we would like to use my partner, Shrike's, eggs for IVF.

It is my understanding that the shared risk committee feels that Shrike would be an excellent donor candidate, but that the ethics committee has rejected our request, because "there is no medical reason that Shrike could not carry a pregnancy."

First, one of the things that we learned during Shrike's initial Day 3 ultrasound was that she has several small uterine fibroids, which would explain the painful and heavy periods that she's been experiencing.

It's my understanding that fibroids could negatively affect her abilty to get and stay pregnant, if we were to attempt that.

In fact, during the exam, Dr. E told us that, "It's a good thing that Whozat's the one who'll be carrying the pregnancy."

More to the point, though, I want to clarify that our goal, all along, has been for me to get pregnant, not her.

We're not asking for approval for me to serve as a surrogate for her, but for her to serve as an egg donor for me.

Pregnancy, childbirth, and all that goes along with that, are an experience that I have wanted very much, for as long as I can remember and, while I know that I will love our child just as much, whether I give birth it, or someone else does - even a stranger, if we were to end up adopting - I also know that I will always feel as though I have missed out on something very important if I never get to have that experience myself.

It's my understanding that I would be approved for the shared risk program if I were using anonymous donor eggs, or if I were using another known donor, such as a sister or friend.

I feel very lucky that, if I'm unable to get pregnant with my eggs, there's an extra pair of ovaries in our relationship that could still make it possible for me to carry and give birth to a child that is genetically "ours." It doesn't seem fair to deny me that opportunity, just because there's also a spare uterus around.

I certainly appreciate your concern for all of the ethical issues involved, and I understand that there are many, many things that must be taken into consideration when dealing with such cutting-edge technology in such a sensitive area as the very creation of life, but if you would have no ethical concerns with our using anonymous donor eggs, and creating a child who will never know either of its biological parents (whatever route we take, we are using anonymous donor sperm), I don't understand why there would be a concern about using my partner's egg, and creating a child who will have a biological connection (either genetic or gestational) to both of its parents - a loving, committed couple, who have been together for ten years.

The practice of lesbian couples doing IVF to impregnate one partner using the other partner's eggs is becoming relatively common, and many reproductive endocrinology practices are doing it.

In fact, Shrike's cousin and her partner have a three-month-old son who was conceived that way, at a clinic in CousinCity, BlueState. Her cousin, who was 37 at the time, provided the egg, and her partner, who is in her late forties, carried the pregnancy.

So far, we have been very pleased with the care and attention that we've received from all of the doctors, nurses and other staff at Our Fertility Clinic, and we want very much to stay with your practice, but if I am unable to get pregnant within four more medicated IUI cycles (for a total of six cycles), and we are unable to obtain approval to do IVF using Shrike's eggs, under the shared risk plan, we will have to investigate other options, and consider other clinics.

In light of this information, I hope that you will reconsider your decision, and will approve our request.

Thank you,
Whozat & Shrike