An Open Letter to Popeye (Peeper's Sperm Donor)

Dear Popeye:

Does the cryobank tell you when a child is born, who was conceived with your sperm?

Do you know that there is a beautiful little girl, sleeping at my breast, who carries half your genes?

That feels so strange for me to say, because it's so hard sometimes for me to remember that she carries none of mine.

What an odd journey we've been on, we three parents of hers.

You and Shrike, whose blood flows through her veins, and me, whose body carried her and still nourishes her.

My wife and I who dreamed of a child, and you, the stranger who helped to make her real.

Do you even know she exists?

On this day, when we celebrate fatherhood, do you wonder about the children you may have helped to create?

She knows about you. Of course, she is too young to understand, but I have shown her your pictures, and told her the story about how she was made.

It's a story that will be told over and over, in increasing detail, as she grows up, and we will see to it that she knows as much about you as possible.

She will know what you looked like as a baby, and at several points in your childhood, and as a young man.

She will know about your interests and hobbies, and will know about your parents' and grandparents' eye colors and occupations and education and religious preferences.

She will know about your medical history, and your favorite color, animal, music and food.

And when she is eighteen, if she chooses, she can find out your name, and your birthdate, and where you live.

And then what?

Then, it is out of our hands.

It's up to her to decide if she wants to initiate any sort of contact, and it's up to you to decide if you want to respond.

We will allow her to make her own decision about that, and of course, you will have your own family to consider in making your decision.

But, for my part, I hope that between the two of you, we at least have a chance to thank you in person for the incredible gift that you have given us.

And I hope that you will someday have children of your own, so that you can truly understand what your gift has meant to our family - and, I'm sure, to several others.

For then - and now - Happy Father's Day.

Father's Day and Our Fatherless Child

Someone asked Shrike yesterday if she and I are planning to do anything for each other for Father's Day.

Um, no. We're not fathers.

Of course, we celebrate Father's Day, and so will Peeper as she gets older. She will honor her grandfathers and her great-grandfather, and her uncles - just as we do.

And if, at some point, she finds herself in a classroom or at a summer camp somewhere making "Happy Father's Day" crafts, she can make them for any - or all - of those guys.

Or, I suppose, if she'd prefer, she's welcome to make something for us instead.

(Hell, the tools and barbecue grills - and even the neckties - on those things are probably more "us" than the flowery, girly stuff she'll be bringing home at Mother's Day.)

I honestly don't think that's going to be a big deal; I can't imagine she'll be the only kid in her class without a father, even if she is the only one with two mothers.

Sometimes I do wonder, though, what it might mean to her that she does not have a father, or whether it will even be a big deal to her at all.

Of course, there is a man out there somewhere whose sperm helped to create her, but he was never her father, so unlike most fatherless children, she's not lost anything.

I like to think that she will not miss something she's never had, that she will consider herself lucky to have more mothers than most of her friends, that she will find whatever male influence she needs in her grandfathers and uncles and family friends, that she will think in terms of the two loving parents that she has, and not in terms of the Y chromosome that neither of us possesses.

I hope that I am right.

Health Update

Tomorrow, we go to a big city about four hours away, to do this further blood/urine testing, to find out what's up with the metabolic stuff, because they want to do the tests there at their own lab.

I got the impression we'll get an answer tomorrow, but can't swear to that.

The woman I talked to at the children's hospital said that "It's most likely just preemie numbers" and that "If the doctor were really worried, he would've told you to come to the ER today" which made me feel a lot better.

Anonydaddy (who is a cardiologist) is not at all concerned about the heart issue, and he researched the metabolic issue last night and Anonymama told me he said that "By far, the most common cause" is what they call transient neonatal whatever - in other words, the levels are temporarily high, just because they're a preemie / newborn.

We're keeping our fingers crossed that that's what's going on here.

So, how are we going to manage this trip, with an eleven-day old baby?

For starters, we're not driving all that way. That was my biggest concern, given our level of sleep deprivation.

We're going to drive to CapitalCity and catch the train to BigCity, arriving around 11:45, for our 1 pm appointment.

The hospital is only about eight blocks from the train station, and we're taking the stroller, so if the weather is nice, we'll just stroll down there. If it's too yucky for Peeper to be out in it, we'll get a cab.

And what about the pumping?

Not pumping for the day is really not an option. It's not just about Peeper eating tomorrow (she could manage with formula just fine, although I would hate it), it's about her eating for the next several days, because no stimulation all day would play hell with my already-just-barely-staying-ahead-of-her milk supply.

Not to mention the misery that I would be in, from the engorgement.

The rental pump that I have is sort of portable, in the sense that one could pick it up and carry it around, but it's not one that comes in a pretty bag, ready to sling over your shoulder and carry off to your power-career.

As luck would have it, a friend who is on our Peeper Update email list has an extra Medela Pump in Style that she's not using, and she offered it to me. Permanently.

She upgraded to the "Advanced" model when this one lost some of its sucking power over time, but since I'm such a newbie, I can't turn it up all the way anyway, so it's fine for me.

Shrike found a car adapter that works for it, so the plan is to pump on the way there (or in the parking garage) before we get on the train, when we get to the hospital and again before we leave (We figure there will be no problem with asking for a place there; it's a children's hospital, they may have a designated room, at least for the NICU moms.), and then when we get back to the car.

But wait, there's more!

This is our friend K, who is a gestational carrier (surrogate). She gave birth about four weeks before I did, and is pumping milk for the baby, but is making more than she really needs - so she offered us some for Peeper.

We had to think a minute on that, to be sure we were comfortable with it, but given that, in order to be approved as a surrogate, K had to be tested just as thoroughly as Popeye (and Shrike, for that matter) had to be tested to be approved as a donor, we decided it was a great idea.

Shrike wasn't sure how I'd feel about it, and asked me if I'd be okay with her having another woman's milk.

Of course, I'd much rather she have my milk (and that's still the goal, even for tomorrow, as screwy as it will be) but if that's not available, I'd rather she have another woman's milk than formula.

So, I've thawed, bottled and refrozen a good bit of K's milk to take with us tomorrow. I might have one bottle "banked" by morning, but little Peep is sucking down the final drops of my last pumping session even as I type, so I'm not holding my breath for that.

Of course, I'll be pumping through the day, but given the less than ideal circumstances, and the stress that I'll be under, and the fact that she's been increasing her intake lately, I don't want to count on making enough.

This way there's no pressure, and I can just think of the pumping as maintaining supply and avoiding engorgement. Any milk that Peeper is able to get out of the deal will be a bit of a bonus.

I'm also taking some formula, just out of an abundance of caution.

Good Lordy, I really am somebody's mom now!

Some/Thing Borrowed

Although I'm not exactly "borrowing" them, because I only plan to keep them for, oh, nine months or so and spruce them up a bit, then, well not exactly give them back, but you know, share the finished product for, oh, the rest of our lives, the first thing(s) that came to mind for this topic are Shrike's eggs, that we'll be using to make our baby.

I don't have words to express how much it means to me that by using her eggs, we will be able to actually make a baby together.

Of course, no matter how we might eventually come to be parents - whether our original plans had worked out, or if IVF works, or if we end up adopting - of course, our child will be, completely, ours - both of ours - but still, this is different, this idea that we will both be actually, physically making a baby together.

Not just planning it together, and raising it together and loving it together, but making it together.

Granted, it's not quite the old fashioned way, and we'll need some help from good ol' Popeye and a half-dozen or so doctors, and it won't actually be a genetic amalgam of the two of us, but both of our bodies will be intimately involved in creating this new life.

Shrike will be contributing the raw materials, and I'll be, well for lack of a better term, putting in the labor.

She'll be making the dough, and I'll be baking the bun.

She'll be writing the instruction manual, and I'll be . . . .

Ok, perhaps my analogies are getting away from me a bit here .

My point is that, although I can't deny that I am still disappointed that I wasn't able to "get the job done" myself, and I am still getting used to the idea that our baby won't have my eyes or my dimple or my whatever, that is all outweighed by the fact that I am going to be able to have her baby.

And yet, it will also be my baby.

It may have her blue eyes (if we're lucky), her "cheeseburgers" (don't ask), her cute little ears, and her prehensile toes, but it will grow inside me, I will nurture it for nine months (and beyond) and I will bring it into the world.

When I watch the "baby shows" almost every couple goes on and on about how amazing it is that "we made this person together, from our love," and, until we decided to do IVF, that's something that I was kind of sad that we would not be able to say; that we would not be physically making the baby together, but now we will.

Which brings me back to my original point (as though I had one): Some/Thing Borrowed.

When we started this project, I think Shrike expected to be more of an observer of the process.

Holding my hand, cheering me on, running out for ice cream in the middle of the night, sure, she signed on for all that, but she never expected to actually be physically involved, never expected to be having blood drawn, peeing in cups, visiting the dildo-cam, taking pills, getting shots, and having "procedures" that require anesthesia.

This morning, for the third day in a row, I woke her up and gave her a shot of Lupron in her belly. As I removed the needle and put a little kiss on the injection site, she mumbled "Thank you," and prepared to go back to sleep.

"You gotta be kidding," I thought. "Thank me?"

Everything she's doing, everything she's putting - and about to be putting - her body through because a> I want to have a baby (yes, she wants this to, but if I didn't want it, she wouldn't have come up with the idea on her own) and b> It's too late now to do it with my own ovaries, and she's thanking me?

No, honey, thank you. More than I could ever say.

And, I love you more than I could ever say.

And, Happy Valentine's Day.

Check out the rest of The Other Mother's Some/Thing Meme.

I'm Baaack

Well, technically, I got home late yesterday evening, from my political play-date.

I had a great time, learned some stuff, but mostly enjoyed visiting with folks that I only see three or four times a year, talking politics and, oh, there might have been a glass or two of wine involved.

Before I left on Friday, we went to the bank to get some paperwork notarized for the sperm bank. Because our first three "finalist" donors are all sold out of IVF prep, we've had to start over with that.

I think we've narrowed down to three new finalists, so we sent off the consent forms for each of them, plus the order form for adult photos of the one who has them.

We were hoping to sign off on the home equity line of credit while we were there, but the mortgage bank can't seem to figure out how to read a fax (requesting that they close the line of credit that we have with them) and tell the credit union that they've received it, so we can't do that quite yet. We should have it taken care of this week, though.

The rush is that, last week, I put close to $10,000 on the credit card, for the IVF fee (and there will be more soon) and we need the line of credit to pay that off when the bill comes, at the end of the month.

In the last week or so, I've made some progress on other hoops that we must jump, too.

I spoke with one of the attorneys who was recommended by the RE's office, and we're working on figuring out exactly what she's going to do for us. For $1000, she'll write a donor agreement that fits our needs better than the default donor and surrogate agreements that the clinic offers.

We want to make sure that neither of us is giving up parental rights, or rights to decide what happens to any remaining frozen embryos.

According to the law in NeighborState (where we'll most likely deliver), absent a court order saying something different, the woman out of whom the baby comes (me) goes on the birth certifcate as the mother, regardless of whose genes made the kid.

She could help us to get a pre-birth order which, if approved by a judge (and she has a judge whom she thinks would do it) would get us both on the birth certificate, from the get-go.

However, that would cost close to $3000, by the time we figured in her fee, court costs and other expenses.

On the other hand, I have an attorney friend here in BlueState who has offered to handle a second-parent adoption for us, for only court costs - about $300.

Unfortunately, he's only licensed to practice in BlueState, so he can't help us out with anything pre-birth, since the birth certificate will be from NeighborState.

(Fucking stupid insurance company, that covers Dr B, but not her hospital.)

As much as we would like to both be on the birth certificate before we leave the hospital, I'm afraid it makes more sense to wait and handle that through second-parent adoption later.

Ironically, that means that Shrike will have to adopt her own child.

I've also been talking with the social work department at the RE clinic.

Although Dr T's first letter was sufficient, when we were just using donor sperm, for egg "donation," we have to go through a more extensive screening, which they have to do themselves.

They do recognize that our situation is different from the typical known donor arrangement, and are streamlining it a bit, which will make it somewhat cheaper. ($500, rather than $850 - and, no, that's not covered in the shared risk fee.)

So, this Tuesday (1/15), Shrike will go in and take the MMPI, then spend about an hour talking with the social worker. On the next Tuesday (1/22), we'll both talk to her for an hour or so.

She's only in OldWorkTown on Tuesday afternoons, and it would be even less convenient to drive to their other location, so I'm going to have to take a half-day off work for the appointment with both of us. I'm not thrilled about that, especially the day before the first of my four dental appointments, but there's really no getting around it.

I started a new cycle yesterday, and will begin taking birth control pills soon (a - waiting for instructions, b - have to pick up them up at the pharmacy tomorrow or Tuesday).

Shrike is running about a week behind me, and will start on the pill early in her next cycle, as well.

I think that once the social workers sign off on us, we can stop the pill and start the actual IVF cycle.

I should know more after I hear back from Nurse D tomorrow.

Looking for Mr. Good Genes

At our most recent appointment with Dr. T she gave us this cartoon, which a friend had emailed to her. We thought it was pretty funny but, also, we were kind of flattered that she saved it for us. Because we're dorks like that.
What with all the preoccupation with mock cycles and ass injections and the incredible generousity of my parents, I can't remember whether I've mentioned that, in moving to IVF, we're going to have to switch sperm donors.

BowTie, the donor for our first two cycles, is sold out and has left the program, so there's no more where that came from.

Popeye, whom we used for cycles 3 - 5 still has plenty of IUI-prep available, but no IVF prep specimens. I believe he's left the program, too, but has a waiting list for a few vials that are in storage, but owned by someone else.

Our third choice, Doc, for a while had only IVF available but now (of course) he's sold out. He's still in the program, but doesn't have any vials in quarantine (I guess he took a break?). He also has a waiting list.

We're on both those waiting lists, but I don't know how long they are. I should call and ask.

In the meantime, we're looking again.

Of course, it's probably just as well that we're reexamining our choice, because our criteria have changed a bit, now that we're looking at mixing his genes with Shrike's instead of mine.

For example, it's now more important that he be tall than skinny, we're now more interested in a mathy/sciencey type than an wordy type, and a family history of colon cancer is more of a concern than diabetes.

Also, the IVF vials are much cheaper than IUI, or even ICI, because you're getting a much smaller volume (half, I believe), so we're a bit more open to the guys with doctorates (or currently enrolled in a doctoral program), who cost more.

(Doc was our third choice because he was the most expensive of the three finalists.)

In searching the database at our cryobank, I noticed a link to "Find more donors at our affiliated cryobank . . . " so I checked them out, too.

Interestingly, the whole search engine and results and everything looked exactly the same as ours, but the prices are a bit cheaper, and - get this - you can get all the profile information (except for adult photos) for free, if you download them, rather than having them mailed to you.
Too cool.

So, I downloaded information on about five of them. They are all okay, but none really "clicked" for me.

We also downloaded one guy from our current bank about a week or so ago. He's okay, too, but again no "fireworks."

I need to show all the information on those new ones to Shrike and get her opinion, and probably download (not free) a couple more from the current bank.

There's a bit of paperwork that has to be done first, which will take some time, plus we want to get adult photos if they're available, so we need to get busy making up our minds, or the real cycle is going to be upon us and we'll be all egged up with no spermies!

Manic Monday #8

1. If technology was sufficiently advanced, would you be willing to clone yourself?
   No, in fact some of our sperm criteria were all about counteracting my genes. Now, if the technology were available to make a baby using both Shrike's DNA and mine (assuming that by "available" you mean well-tested and safe) I would do that.
2. At the local grocery store you see an elderly woman shoplift a chicken. Do you tell the management?
   Ew, that's a tough one. To by honest, I probably wouldn't, because I'd feel weird about it. It's likely that I wouldn't report anyone, for the same reason.
3. If you could be 8 years old again for an entire day, knowing what you know now, how would you spend it?
   Knowing what I know now? I'd hang out with people who were going to grow up to be rich, and make 20- or 30-year bets with them about the outcome of future events.

Learn more about Manic Monday.

Sperminator III: "The Charm"

Or, at least, that's what we're hoping!

Today went much like the first two go-rounds, except that it's getting to be, well, I won't say "old hat," but much less intense.

A couple of things were different this time around.

Of course, most important difference is the fact that we think I might have two eggs dropping instead of just one. That should at least double our chances of getting a keeper.

Also of importance is the change in donors. Popeye seems to be a "good producer" as well (that's the phrase Dr E used to describe BowTie, after looking at his numbers).

The vial we used today had 18 million swimmers per whatever. BowTie was, I believe 16 million the first time, and 10 million the second.

This is completely irrelevant, but they put me in a different room this time (although, I had my day 3 dildo-camming in the room where we did the first two IUIs - that was disorienting).

No, I really don't think the room matters but, hey, any little change can't hurt, might help, right?

One very nice change was that a female doctor did the insemination this time. I have nothing against male doctors, and nothing against men in general, but I have intentionally sought out female doctors because I just feel more comfortable with them (especially for issues of a gynocological nature) and I kind of like the idea of the donor being the only man involved in the process.

I didn't really think it was that big of a deal to me, but I was surprised how disappointed I was the past two cycles, when a man (two different ones, actually) walked into the room, and how thrilled I was to see a woman this time.

After the IUI, we stopped by OldWorkCenter to drop off some things. Shrike got to meet a couple of people, but most of them were at lunch. Then we got some lunch ourselves and came home.

I had some work to do for a former web development client (long story short, I'm great, her new person is not, although she's no longer a client at the company I used to work for (and for whom I still do some consulting), she's sending me work, it's being billed through them and they're paying me.) and need to "take it easy," so I thought the plan was for me to work on that while Shrike walked the dogs.

I followed her outside with them and decided it was too pretty to be inside, so I brought the laptop out in the yard. (Yippee for wireless!) I thought I could work while she and the doggies played, either before or after their walk.

It's a lovely semi-autumnal day, and I can't believe I'm actually earning money for sitting out here enjoying it, but I'm not sure what happened to Shrike. I've not seen her in about two hours, PerfectPup is lounging in the middle of the lawn, and BigGaloot just came outside as well, so I'm pretty sure they're not walking.

I suspect she's asleep somewhere. Perhaps I should go find her.

I do have a few more things to do on that website that are going to require my real computer (edit some graphics, etc) so I might have to go in soon anyway. Blech.

I think we're going to meet LiPA and some others for dinner this evening. I had to do a bit of rationalizing to convince myself that it's ok to go out to dinner, even though I'm not at work, and not going back in to work for the staff meeting.

But, I don't officially have any activity restrictions, but have been advised to "take it easy" not to "go to bed" and the issue about the staff meeting was really more about it being stressful than anything. Dinner will be relaxing, so that's fine. Right?

Upping the Ante

I've been playing phone tag with email follow-ups all day, talking to Nurse E about what Dr. E recommends that we do next time around.

When we originally met, she talked about trying "two or three cycles" unstimulated before we considered anything more aggressive, so I figured it was time to check in on that.

What she's recommending is that I take 50 mg Clomid on days 3 - 7 of my next cycle, followed by FSH injections on days 7 through 9.

(Or days 7 and 9? I guess I need to clarify that).

I'd then go in for ultrasounds starting on day 11, and I assume it would be basically the same from there - wait for the follicles (the goal of the drugs being to have multiple follicles) to get to 18 mm or larger, then do the HSG trigger shot, followed by the intrauterine insemination 36 hours later.

She'd really like for us to do two inseminations, at 12 and 36 hours after the trigger shot, but it would cost an additional $480 to buy a second vial.

(Popeye only has washed sperm available, so it will already be more expensive than last cycle, we when were able to get the unwashed.)

The second insemination would up our odds, but probably not enough to justify that much of an increase in the cost, so I'm pretty sure we'll stick with just one.

Speaking of the odds . . .

For your average man/woman couple, under age 35, trying to make a baby the old-fashioned way, the odds of getting pregnant in any given cycle are about 30%.

(The odds per cycle decrease with each attempt, because the fact that they're not pregnant yet indicates that there might be a problem.)

The way we were going about it the past couple of months (taking into account my age???) our odds were about 5% per cycle.

Well, hell, no wonder I'm not knocked up yet!

If we were to use clomid alone, our odds would be around 10% (with about 10% of pregnancies being multiples (mostly twins) - so an overall 1% chance of multiples).

With the clomid and FSH, we're looking at around a 20% chance of pregnancy, and a 15% chance of multiples (overall 3% chance of multiples).

I still want to get a bit more information (such as what's the cut-off number of follicles for cancelling a cycle, because of the risk of higher order multiples) but we're pretty sure that we're going to go with the clomid / fsh, with just the one IUI.

It will be more expensive (don't know yet how much, depends on the insurance coverage for the drugs) but will quadruple our odds. As long as it's not four times as expensive (and it won't be) that's definitely worth doing.

I just wish we'd had all those statistics a couple of months ago, because if we'd realized how bad the odds were, I think we would have pushed to be more aggressive from the get-go.

So, now, we're just (once again) waiting to bleed. I got nothing so far, not even spotting, so I'm thinking it won't be any sooner than Saturday, meaning day 3 will be Monday.

In the meantime, I'd appreciate all the information I can get, whether scientific or anecdotal, so if you've got experience with either clomid or injectable FSH, please let me know what it was like, and what I'm in for.

I'm tentatively planning to go down to OldWorkCity that morning for the ultrasound and to pick up the drugs - or maybe they'll be shipped to us? That's one more thing I'm waiting to find out about.

More phone tag tomorrow, I'm thinking.

Speaking of tomorrow, I'm taking the day off work, and around noon will be heading up to CapitalCity for a couple of days of political workshops, meetings, schmoozing, etc, and I'll be back Saturday evening.

Of course, I have all intentions of posting here before I leave tomorrow and when I return Saturday.

Priorities, you know.

Thursday Thirteen #27

Our first choice donor is now sold out, so next cycle, we'll be moving on to Bachelor #2, "Popeye." So, here are . . .

Thirteen Things That We Know About Popeye

1. His favorite food is spinach (hence, the nickname)
2. He has hazel eyes and wavy brown hair
3. He played football in middle school
4. What he looked like at ages 1, 3, 6, 12, 15 and 21 (we have photos!)
5. When he was young, his dad restored a WWII era navy biplane and he flew in it with him.
6. He is 6' and 200 lbs
7. He plays violin, trombone and classical guitar
8. He speaks English, Spanish and Russian
9. He has a BA in English / Creative Writing, with a minor in Educational Studies / Child Psychology
10. He volunteers with or donates to Habitat for Humanity
11. His father is/was an electrical engineer and his mother is/was a teacher.
12. He is a Quaker
13. His ethnic background is Hungarian / Irish-Scottish

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Moving On

Well, that didn't take long. The last prometrium (progesterone) I took was yesterday morning, and the first dose that I skipped was last night. I'm spotting already.

I think we've decided not to wait a month to try again. I know that's probably not the most financially responsible move, but I think it's what we're going to do.

Assuming I get "full flow" today, I can get a "Day 3" ultrasound tomorrow, Thursday or Friday. (There's a bit of leeway in the definition of "3.")

If my cycle runs like last month, we'd be looking at inseminating around August 22 or so.

I just got off the phone with the sperm bank. It seems that BowTie has one unit of ICI prepared (intracervical - not washed) sperm available. Yea! It will be sent out to us tomorrow.

The ICI is cheaper than IUI (washed) and our RE's office re-washes even the IUI so there's no sense in paying the extra money for it.

(Unless, as last cycle, that's all that's available.)

This was $470, including courier delivery to the RE's office that's farther from us, but closer to the sperm bank, so they don't have to FedEx it.

That's significantly less than what we paid last time:

IUI Prep Sperm: $480
FedEx Shipping : $150
Upgrade to 14-day tank: $40
FedEx Return shipping when not used in June: $45
FedEx Re-shipping for July: $150
(Then couriered back to the other office)
Total: $865

So, here we go again!

Wham, Bam, Good Luck, Ma'am or Swim, Boys, Swim!

Wherein Whozat Gets Sperminated

Everything went smoothly with our IUI (intrauterine insemination) this morning.

The only small negative (and I'll certainly get over it) is that our doctor wasn't the one who did the procedure. Pretty much, you get whoever is on duty at that location at the time.

This was a guy we'd not met, but he seemed nice enough in a grandfatherly, yet with the power to impregnate me, (ew ew ew) kind of way.

We got there about twenty minutes early, so had a bit of wait, but we certainly didn't want to be late, since the sperm (with its 6 - 12 hour lifespan) would be thawed and waiting for us by 11 am.

Shortly after 11, we were taken into the room, the nurse checked my photo id (to make sure some other dykes weren't stealing our sperm, I suppose) and I got situated (ie naked from the waist down).

After a short (although it didn't seem so at the time) wait, the doctor and nurse came in.

The first thing they told us was that the sperm looked great, with a count of 16 million after the wash, and great motility.

I told them that it had been double-washed (since all our donor had available to buy was already washed, but they don't trust outside washing) and the doctor said, "That's really good, then."

Yeah! Way to go, BowTieBoy!

(According to the sperm bank, their standard for IUI washed is 10 million. He's an over achiever!)

Then the doctor showed us the vial in which the sperm had been shipped, including the donor number label.

(It's TINY - I know we only bought 1 ml, and I know how small that is, but still to actually see the tiny container was kind of w-e-i-r-d.)

He also showed us the vial it had gone into for processing with its label (my name and the donor number), the color-coded (dark orange) tape, the matching tape on my paperwork, the matching patient codes on everything, et cetera, and Ihad to sign that I agreed they were giving me the right stuff.

Then, up into the stirrups I went. The whole speculum thing was less than comfortable, but no more so than usual. He did apologize when I winced, and said, "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get a good view of the cervix."

I guess he got the view he needed, because the next thing he said, in about the length of time it will take you to read it, was:

"And it (the catheter) passes easily through the cervix for a
nice high insemination, and now I'm going to remove the speculum, and give you a few minutes alone."

Me: "What?! You're done?! That was it?!"

Doc: "Yes." (as he's removing my feet from the stirrups, covering me back up, throwing away the used materials, etc) "That's it. We could discuss 'mild discomfort' and such if you'd like, just for show, but we're done."

Then the nurse told us that I have "no restrictions" today (but I did stay home from work, on orders of my boss!), set a timer for five minutes, and told us to stay there, with my knees up, until it went off.

One of them said, "We'll give you a little less glare," and turned off the overhead lights in the room. Then a quick, "Good luck!" and we were alone.

You know, I wonder if there's really any medical need to stay put for a while afterward, or if it's just their way of giving couples a few minutes of alone time during what is a very public way of going about doing something that really should be private.

Either way, we appreciated having that chance to relish the moment.

(But, just five minutes? I've read that most give you fifteen or so. Maybe they were busy this morning and needed the room?)

The details should probably be left just between the two of us, but suffice it to say that there was giggling, and disbelief, and kissing, and a few tears, and instructions to "Swim your lazy asses up there and get that egg!"

(We're going to be just stellar parents, aren't we?)

Then we paid, scheduled my pregnancy test (Friday August 3; I'll have the blood drawn at 8 am and they'll call with results that afternoon), and drove home.

We stopped for lunch at the new Fuddrucker's when we got back in town. We've not been there before, because the one time we started to go, we discovered that they don't sell beer, and changed our minds.

This time, Shrike had to go into work afterward and I can't drink, of course, so what the hell.

I had super nachos, and there's a chocolate chunk cookie (as well as lots of leftover nachos) in the fridge for later. Want to start the kid off right, you know.

When got home, we both took a nap. I lay on my left side, so gravity to could help the little spermies find their way to the egg, which we know is coming from that ovary.

Correction, has come from.

It's now been about 41 hours since the trigger shot, and I've felt some very mild cramping, and then some "twinges" on the left side today. I don't know if that's a reaction to the IUI itself, or ovulation "pain" (which I often have).

So, I'm pretty certain that I ovulated earlier today, and by now, there's a party going on in there.

Let's hope Ms. Eggy picks a partner soon and that he's a good dancer!

But, I digress.

The nap was very nice; I lay on my left side for the sake of gravity, while Shrike snugged me all up. She got up and went to work around 2:30 pm, I slept til more like 5 pm, got online, and here I am now.

I'll take it easy this evening, and will be back at work tomorrow morning, just like normal.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

"Normal" except for spending every moment for the next fifteen days wondering if this worked, if one of those 16 million little gentleman callers found my one egg, if she liked him enough to let him in, if they've both got everything they need to, um, create a whole new freaking human being, if it found a good landing spot, if it's going to "stick," if . . . if . . . if . . . .

Thanks to everyone for all the good wishes and good thoughts so far, especially the past couple of days.

It's great to know that so many people are cheering for us!

Frequent Flyers or Spermies, Spermies, Who's Got the Spermies?

Dr E's office has a variety of consent and release forms that we both have to sign before they'll actually do anything to me.

I didn't realize when we were actually there last week that they all need to be either signed in front of a witness at the office, or notarized.

Because the office is an hour from home (but practically next-door to my job) I'll go alone for the various ultrasounds and other monitoring-type appointments, and Shrike won't be going with me again until the actual insemination.

So, we went over to our bank this morning to have the papers notarized.

Easier said than done.

First, none of the forms actually had the "notarize here" stuff printed on them, so she had to type it onto each one separately. Also, some didn't have enough white space for it, so she had to put it on the bank, which kind of freaked her out.

I finally just told her to put it on the back, and if it wasn't good enough, we'd deal with it later.

I told Shrike afterward that she could have knitted us a fucking baby blanket in the time it took to notarize four damn forms.

(She did, however, tell us "Good luck with everything!" as we were leaving. That was sweet.)

Somehow, I managed to get down to work with about ten minutes to spare, so I thought I'd pop in at Dr. E's and drop off the paperwork, to make sure that it was all kosher. (It was.)

While I was there, I asked whether our sperm had arrived. It was supposed to have shipped out on Friday, and I was expecting it to arrive yesterday.

(We won't need it for 2 - 3 more weeks, but Dr. E's office will store it for free and the cryobank will charge for storage.)

Nope, they'd not seen it. We wondered if perhaps it had been sent to one of their other offices, so they called over to check on that. Not there, either.

During all the back-and-forth about that, I found out that they don't actually have storage facilities at the location I'm using, only at the other one.

Luckily though, it can be couriered back and forth between the two.

When it shows up.

After a very busy day at work, I finally found a moment in the late afternoon to call the cryobank, who checked with FedEx and told me that it had been delivered to my location at 11:30 am (I was there at 10:30).

So, it seems to now be in Dr. E's possession, but they'll have to send it over to the other location for a couple of weeks, then courier it back when we need it.

Let's recap, shall we.

These little guys started out at the Cryobank, in . . . um . . . SpermState.

From there, they were shipped to Dr B's office in BlueState.

Last cycle was a no-go, so they shipped back to the Cryobank.

After couple of days there, they went back out, to Dr E's office in NeighborState.

Tomorrow, I suppose, a courier will take them to her other office, also in NeighborState.

In two to three weeks, when I'm about to ovulate, the courier will bring the back to her WorkTown office.

(Unless, of course, I'm going to ovulate on the weekend, in which case we'll do it at the other office, as it's the only one open on weekends.)

And all that, before it ever gets near me!

It's a good thing we're doing IUI, and they won't have far to go to find the egg, once they're inside me.

The poor dears are probably exhausted already.

Comment-o-Rama

As you may have surmised from some recent comments, I finally gave my family the link to this blog.

(Hi, Mom!)

On Saturday, I received an email from my niece (LadyKay's #2 kiddo), who is 20 (Oh my God, that can't possibly be right, can it? People with 20 year old nieces are old!) which included comments about several of my early posts.

Had she commented here on each individual posts no one would see them except new readers who are catching up (as she is).

But, sending it via email, I'm the only one who gets to see them.

And some of them are definitely worth reading.

So, with her permission, here are her comments about my first couple of months of posts.

(The links will take you to the original posts to which she refers.)

Along with a few counter-comments of my own.

Of course.

And, So, It Begins
"...followed her north to a very red area of a fairly blue state."

We should switch places?? 'Cause we're in a blue dot of a fairly red state...

Yeah, we don't like to talk about this, but my sister and her kids are - shudder - Republicans.

"What will I be writing about? Everything. And nothing. And a few things in between."

Oh!! Thank makes so much more sense than "Shrike and Whozat...between." Before I thought maybe you'd turned into a 14 year old... X-P heh.

"...perhaps, the occasional political rant."

You?? Nooooooo...you NEVER talk politics...roflmao

And, as a Republican, she kind of hates it when the Democrats in the family (ie - everyone else) talk politics. Which, I suppose, is understandable.

"...and tend to assume that everyone is just dying to hear exactly what I'm thinking, doing, or obsessing about at the moment."

Really? I hadn't noticed.

"...being a bum currently between assignments,"

Between assignments...gotta remember to call it that. :)

"...I realized that I'm starting to narrate my life in my head, as though I were writing a blog post."

That's just sad.

True enough.


Laissez le Bon Temps Rouler!
"If you can't read the packaging in the photo, let me explain. Ranger, the border collie-ish dog here, is one of several who run a day care. In this playset, Ranger is also operating an ice cream stand. The dog. Is selling ice cream. To be-diapered babies. With pigtails. Well, of course."

W. T. F.
Who the hell came up with THAT idea!? And when is CPS [Child Protective Services] going to check on their kids!?

"If anyone is interested (Bueller?) I'll be happy to post the recipes that I used for the cake, as well as the muffalettas and hurricanes."

I got the good stuff down here... X-P mwahaha


The Thinks I've Thunk: #1
"Food coloring bottles have always reminded me of tiny little men - gnomes, perhaps - wearing pointy, color-coded hats."

AHHHH!! They do!!!!!

"Is that wierd?"

Yes. Very much.


How Not to Cook a Pot Roast
"It seems that when I put the ceramic-put-the-food-in-it part of the crockpot into the metal-gets-hot-and-makes-it-cook part, I caught a bit of the cord between them. As it heated, the insulation on the cord melted and it must have shorted out."

THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T LEAVE THE CROCKPOT ON WHEN YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE YOU NUT BUCKET!!!!!!!!!! But I'm glad you still have a house. :)

That's the whole point of a crockpot, though. To cook dinner while you are gone all day!

A Word About Anonymity
"Hell, if they know my real name, they can just Google it, and all that info will probably come right up, because I've put it out there in about a zillion places, for one reason or another."

You are THE only [Whozat's real name, including hyphenated last name] on the planet. "[Whozat's real name, including hyphenated last name]" with the quotes brought up 676 hits on Google. All you.

"I like the idea of being free to rant about specific people or situations that piss me off, without worrying that the subject will read what I said."

And if they do read it, hell, even if they know it's them you're talking about: as long as you change the names they can't sue you. If you don't change the names they can attempt to sue you for crapping on their character. Then innocent have nothing to fear; all names have been changed to protect the author from the guilty.

Well, I also worry about pissing people off, or hurting their feelings or making it awk-ward when I have to continue to deal with them on a regular basis. But you do make a very good point about the legal issues. Of course, if it's true, it's not slander.

"Also, you've probably earned immunity from my public rants. Unless you really piss me off."

Dun dun dun.


And the Oscar for Most Inane Response Goes To . . . .
About Tammy Etheridge breastfeeding their twins:
"Or is that just what's to be expected of Joan Rivers?"

Yep...sad, isn't it?

"On the other hand, I saw the shots of Tammy in that strapless dress during the ceremony, and I certainly can't argue with Joan's assessment ;-)"

There's a show called Yes, Dear and there's one episode where the mom sneaks and breastfeeds her kid after having said she's going to wean. When the husband finds out about it he confronts her about her lying and says that if she's not ready to deal with that separation then she shouldn't force it and she breaks down and says she doesn't want to wean and loose the wonderful boobs! ROFL.


How To Make a Baby
How to make a baby checklist
1) Go to bar
2) Find willing "donor"
3) Consume alcohol
4) Go to bathroom with "donor"
5) Make baby
6) "Lose" his number

Of course, that's the evil way to make a baby...but it's ahellofvalot cheaper so things even out.

She makes a good point. A little hard to do the genetic screening that way, of course. And Shrike's not so keen on the idea.


Who's Your BabyDaddy?
"We also agreed that the third one (who turned out to not be "ID Consent") was a distant third choice, because we were less than impressed with his academic record and test scores. Is that elitist of us? We were saying "Well, we shouldn't rule him out completely . . . ." but then we kept finding ourselves referring to him as "the dumb guy.""

Yes, because of all the crap Hitler pulled about breeding a master race, we find ourselves feeling guilty about ruling someone out because of certain qualities. But think of it this way: if you were looking for a husband to father your children, would you choose someone who didn't challenge you mentally? No. You wouldn't. He'd have to be at least as smart as you, wouldn't he? Same thing, you're just taking out the insert tab A into slot B part...and the husband part.

"The sperm bank recommends that we choose at least three, since they can't promise that our first choice will be available."

You could always hack into the database, get his home address, knock on his door and say jack off into this cup. We want you.

Don't think we haven't considered it. Of course, if we're at, say a restaurant, and see a cute guy, we often joke about asking for a "to-go cup." Yeah, I know. Ew.

"Our better sides tell us that shouldn't matter and we should only get the adult photos of TheGuy, so that we can show them to the kid, but our shallower sides want to make sure he's cute!"

For the record, I LOVE looking at old pics of my ancestors (however distant or near they may be) at various ages and seeing/comparing them to pics of me at various ages and seeing all the similarities. It's neat.

Yeah, I'm kind of torn between wanting things to work out with BowTie, since we like him best, and hoping for Popeye, since we have more photos for him.


It Occurs to Me . . .
"That I've formatted our "donor wish list" in exactly the same way as the ingredients lists for the recipes I've posted. Is that wrong?"

I don't know about wrong but it is creepy as hell.


Our Other "Kids"
"How will you keep BigGaloot from eating the baby?"

Yeah, if only there were some piece of furniture that you could put the baby in where the dog couldn't get them...maybe something with bars and a soft pad for baby to sleep on...hrm...if only.

Touche' - But, note that this is coming from a person whom I'm not sure has ever seen the inside of a crib. My sis was an attachment parent before attachment parenting was cool.

Google Cooking: Chicken, Pineapple, Rice
"Googling "Chicken, Pineapple, Rice" (I think) gave me a recipe for Chicken Pineapple Stir-Fry, which I made for lunch today."

Why'd you google those ingredients?? That's easy: Hawaiian Chicken on a bed of rice.

That's what I wanted, but I didn't have a recipe. Shrike gets kind of nervous when I just "wing it" in the kitchen.

Google Cooking II: Broccoli Boogaloo
"So, back to Chef Google to search for "rice, chicken, broccoli."

Broccoli Rice Casserole!! Chicken either inside for a complete meal or on the side as the meat. Good night woman! Read a cookbook!!

Again, that's what I wanted, but it's much faster to Google the recipe than to read every cookbook in the house.


Saturday Meme
"1. Things that scare me: Bugs (especially roaches)"

Decapitated body of a poisonous snake in hand, she jumped on the table to flee from the tree roach and screamed Kill it, kill it, kill it!

True story. It happened at summer camp. I had just decapited the coral snake myself.

"10. Things I think you should listen to: Your heart, Your gut, Your partner"

Grandma says, "Your mother." She didn't really say that but I'm guessing she would.

Good point. Although, Shrike and I once had a long talk with them about our life plans (when we were considering our move to BlueState) and she talked about how, at some point, you have to live your life based on what's best for you, not based on making your parents, or anyone else, happy. It was kind of wierd. But very cool.


Family Day
"Shrike's grandma turned 81 on Thurday and, that same day, went into the hospital with some gastrointestinal issues."

Well...happy fucking birthday to her!!

No kidding.

Mingle - Mingle - Mingle
"Pour yourself a big glass of beverage-o-your-choice, serve up a plate of horse durveys . . . hors deour . . . hor d'ourves . . . appetizers and join the conversation!"

lol


Small Talk Question #2
"I live on the internet and get twitchy if I have to go a few hours without checking my email."

Somewhere online is a picture of what appears to be a skinny girl snorting crack...but the white powder spells out "MySpace"
ROFL


Thursday Thirteen #3
"Songs To Get Stoned By (Mix Tape)"
Nice...real nice... X-P

Hey, it was the 80s!

Okay, well I'm in April of your blog but I've been up all night and am really drooping so I'm off to sleep and snuggle kitties. :)
God sent us BabyKitten 'cause He knew I needed a lap cat :)

They have a new baby kitty, whom she rescued from the dogs next door.

Thanks for stopping by, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Keep up the commenting, and I'll see you soon!

Saturday Special #14: Back to the Rack

Today's topic is all about returning purchases.

1. What's the oddest thing you've ever returned?
   Sperm. Although we've now un-returned it.
   
2. Do you return things you don't like or just keep them?
   Sometimes I return them, other times just keep them.
   
3. What's the largest item you've ever returned?
   I can't think of anything really big, but my brother once returned a car that he was going to buy, and Shrike is considering returning the PS2 that she bought with her birthday money.
   
4. Have you ever returned a dress/outfit you wore to a special occasion?
   I haven't, but a friend of mine once bought a dress, wore it to her father's funeral and then returned it. With her mother's blessing. She wasn't the kind of girl who would normally wear anything even remotely funereal.

Learn more about the Saturday Special.

Information: A Blog Post In Two Acts

Act I: "Information"
As everyone knows by now, our vial of sperm was returned to the bank earlier this week, since we weren't able to use it this cycle.

When I talked to them on Tuesday, they said that they'd call when it was processed in "the system" so I could let them know what to do with it.

They left a message on the answering machine yesterday,

"Um, this is Some-Chick, from Name-of-bank-minus-the-"cryobank"-part, and we received the, uh, um, information . . . ."

So, now we have yet another name for it.

---

Act II: Too Much Information
Earlier today, Shrike had her blood drawn for the tests that the RE requires.

Later, the lab called and left a message saying that they needed to get some more information from her.

When she called back, they said that they had three questions, regarding consent.

(I assume that's about the HIV test?)

The first question was "Do you understand why you're having this test?"

She said, "Well, my partner is trying to get pregnant, and I have to be tested for STDs, too."

"Ok, so that's a 'yes'?"

"Um, yeah. 'Yes.'"

The Plan

Fun Fact:
This blog is now the number one Google result for the search term "obsessed with peeing on sticks."

---

We had our initial consultation with Dr. E, the Reproductive Endocrinologist, yesterday and it went very well. We really liked her, and she spent a lot of time telling us everything that we'll need to do, as well as answering all our questions.

She does not see a need to start with Clomid or anything similar at this point. She reminded us that although, on paper, I am an infertility patient, we've not even tried yet, and we could get pregnant the first time. She said that she's had very good luck with other lesbians who don't have any actual issues of their own, just a lack of sperm.

It will, however, be a much more intense process than what we were looking at with Dr. B, and she gave us quite a list of things-to-do in the next three weeks before the first insemination.

• Prenatal Vitamins
  She gave me all the chewable samples that she had, plus a prescription for more, and said to go ahead and start on them.
• Get a permission slip from my nephrologist
  This is a "CYA" thing - she just wants it on paper that he doesn't have a problem with me getting pregnant, in terms of the affects on my kidneys.
• Talk with a social worker
  This is required for anyone using donor gametes (eggs or sperm). Generally the discussion is about whether, when and how to tell the kid how they were made. That's kind of a no-brainer for us, but we still have to do it. She kind of apologized about it. We're already scheduled to see Dr. T next week, so were going to see if she can just write us a note, instead of having to schedule a special appointment with this stranger.
• Antibiotics
  I have to do 7 days of doxycycline before we "start sticking things where they don't belong" (the IUI insemination). They've got me totally freaked out about that - take with food, don't take with milk, don't take with vitamins or calcium, stay out of the sun, remain upright for 15 minutes after taking, may cause nausea. Jeez-us
• Get the sperm back from the bank
  It was returned to the cryobank on Monday and should have arrived yesterday. They will call us shortly to find out what to do with it. Instead of paying for storage there, we'll just have them send it to the RE's office, where they have storage facilities.
  
  (This kid is going to be quite well travelled. The sperm will have been to three states, before it's even conceived!)
  
  In addition to the vial that we own, there are only 4 more vials of BowTie left, and he's no longer with the program, so there won't be any more coming (so to speak).
  
  We debated whether to buy it all up, but that would be about $2000, which would be wasted it we don't need that many attempts.
  
  If it doesn't leave the bank, they'll buy it back at 50%, but then we'd be paying $150/month to ship to the RE.
  
  On the other hand, if we shipped it all now and stored at the RE, we'd be stuck with the total cost.
  
  Popeye, our second choice, has more than 50 units in stock, though, so we've decided to try with this one that we've got and if it doesn't work the first cycle, we'll stick with BowTie (purchasing it as we go) as long as he holds out.
  
  If we run out (or someone buys it up) we'll switch to Popeye. We've got no problem with him and there's the advantage of having the adult photos.
  
  When we thought about it in terms of, "If someone said 'BowTie costs $1000 more than Popeye,' would we pay it?" that kind of put it in perspective.
  
  We'll get the baby we're supposed to have, with the donor we're supposed to have. If BowTie sells out, he wasn't our donor.
• Testing
  On Day 3 of my next cycle, I'll have blood drawn to test a bunch of hormone levels, as well as a few other disease-type things that we didn't cover before. I'll also have an ultrasound that day to look at, well, I'm not exactly sure what. Ovaries? Uterus?
  
  Funny thing is that Shrike also has to be testing for STDs and the such, since even though she's not physically making the baby, she would be exposing me to any cooties that she has. (As though I wouldn't already have been thoroughly exposed over the past nine years!) Dr. E apologized for that one, too.
• Monitoring
  Starting around Day 10 (or when we get home from Texas, which ever comes last) I'll pop by the RE's office on my way to work for daily ultrasounds of my ovaries to monitor the development of the follicle(s). I may or may not also have bloodwork done at that point.
• Triggering Shot of HCG
  When the follicle(s) reach the right size, I'll get a shot of HCG to make me ovulate roughly 24 hours later. They might do this in the office when I'm there for monitoring, or we could do it at home.
  
  They discussed having us take a class on how to give injections, but since it's just the one shot, since Shrike has some experience (giving daily insulin to a diabetic dog, as a teenager) and since her mom is an RN who could help us (instruct Shrike or do the shot for us) they said we don't have to do that
• IUI Insemination
  Within 24 hours of the triggering shot, we'll do the insemination. Dr. E likes to inseminate just before ovulation, so the sperm are ready and waiting when the egg is released. She sometimes does 2 inseminations per cycle, but since that would not double our chances, it's not cost-effective for us, so we'll just do one.
• Take progesterone
  This helps to make an nice comfy uterine lining, and to maintain an early pregnancy until the placenta takes over a few weeks in
• Pregnancy Test at 15 days post-insemination
  This will be a quantitative HCG, to give my exact HCG levels, not just a "yes" or "no."
• If Negative
  Repeat for about 3 cycles before considering Clomid
• If Positive
  
  • Recheck HCG levels every couple of days for a while to make sure they go up like they're suppposed to
  • Continue to take progesterone for a few weeks
  • Dr. E will monitor me through week 8, then release me to Dr. B

Well, that sounds easy enough!

Grasping At Straws

Ugh, what a day, in the baby-plans department.

This morning, I popped over to Dr. B's office to sign the release for them to fax my records to the RE. Uh, no. Not so much with the faxing of the records anymore.

But, I'm welcome to pick them up. In seven to ten days.

You know, right about the time that I'm ovulating.

I calmly explained as much. Ahem.

So, they agreed to have them ready by 2 pm Friday for Shrike to pick up. Whew.

Then, to the vets office, where we found out that MamaCat has dropped a couple of pounds in the past eighteen months and is actually a teeny bit below her ideal weight. BoyCat has stayed the same, and is still fat.

GirlCat, alas, has gained another two or three pounds, and is now rockin' the big 2-5.

Much discussion of kitty diets, and how we're just going to have to suck it up and feed them separately. Ugh.

Then, off to work - but first, a stop at the RE's office.

Well, first a stop at the RE's former office, to find out that they've moved, then to her actual office. Which turns out to be on the way to work, not just past work. Even better.

I told my sad story to the girl there, and gave her a copy of my lab work from last month, as well as a couple of forms that I'd downloaded from their website.

The doctor was busy at the moment, but she said she'd check with her and give me a call back.

Yeah, no dice. She's happy to see me on Monday for an initial consultation, to work toward inseminating in July, but she's not willing to take me on mid-cycle.

So, to summarize:

If I ovulate on Day 14, as I've done for most of the past six months, Dr. B will be in town and can inseminate me.

If I ovulate on Day 18 or later, as I did last month, she'll be around to do it.

If I ovulate on Day 15, 16 or 17, she'll be away and I'm SOL.

So, here's our thought at the moment.

If Dr. B can't inseminate me, we're thinking of giving it a try (not IUI) at home.

That's actually something we'd discussed in the past, but thought it best to go straight to the IUI, given my age. But, if that's not a possibility, we might as well try it the other way.

Tomorrow, I'll try to find out whether Dr. B's office is allowed to let the sperm come and go (so to speak) from their possession, so we wouldn't have to commit to which route we're going.

Also, whether we could have it delivered to our house, and whether we could do an at-home vaginal (not IUI) insemination using sperm that's been washed for IUI (my research says yes) or whether Dr. B's office could wash the sample right before we need it, if we ordered it unwashed, then ended up able to do an IUI.

Further complicating matters is the fact that different donors have IUI (washed) and ICI (not washed) samples available.

For IUI, as I've mentioned before, BowTie and NewGuy are "maybes" and Popeye is a "yes." For ICI, NewGuy is the only yes, plus Doc is a "maybe."

For some reason that I cannot possibly explain, I'm suddenly not so okay with NewGuy. There's no logic to it, it's just a gut reaction. When I saw that he was the only "yes" for the ICI, I just really started feeling like I don't want to use him.

What the hell???

So, I'm hoping that we can either use the IUI (and preferably actually do an IUI with it) or we can get Doc for the ICI.

But it may still turn out that we can't do anything this month at all.

In which case: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Week in Review: Part the Second, In Which Whozat Tells All At Work

Well, that post was getting rather long, so I figured I ought to break it up a bit.

Moving on . . . .

Starting this Wednesday, Director is off work for about a week, having knee surgery, so I'm "on my own."

Note the quotation marks. Luckily, the EDs have arranged their schedules to make sure that one or both of them is around, in case I have questions.

(I have plenty of questions.)

I have, however, been doing a lot of things on my own this week, and I'm feeling a lot more confident.

This week, I've had several parent conferences. These generally only take about 10 minutes, and you just go over how the kid's been doing, and what they've been learning.

On Wednesday, one of the moms that I talked to brought along her teeny-tiny newly adopted baby. He is eight weeks old, but was born at about 31 weeks, so he really should still be in utero.

He was about 3 lbs at birth, but is up to around 7 lbs now, but is still tiny, and still has a bit of a fetal look about him. In the most precious way imaginable, of course.

She was planning to pay her June invoice while she was there, so she had a credit card - which just happened to be a Rainbow Card - sitting on the table the whole time we were talking. A clue! A clue!

At some point in the conversation, she said something that allowed me to confirm my suspicions, and to come out to her, as well. Very cool.

Also, I practically begged her to let me hold the baby, which she did. He was fussing, I was juggling him, trying to find a position to make him happy, the whole time we were talking.

I believe I may have mentioned to her that, "Man, I gotta get me one of those!"

On Friday, ED2 and I had a conference with a gay male couple who is enrolling their son. At some point there was mention of him having been picked on about ". . . his potential orientation."

I'm not sure if he's questioning, or if the teasing is based on his dads' orientation, or what. He's certainly not effeminate at all, so I doubt kids would peg him as gay, just out of the blue. At any rate, I took that as an opportunity to come out to them as well.

(I say this as though I think there's any way that I'd not already set off these people's gaydar!)

I also told them to feel free to out me to the kid, and to tell him to come to me directly if he has any problems.

After that meeting, I was telling ED2 about that part of the conversation (there was another person involved in the conference, and she was talking to him when that exchange occurred).

She seemed very pleased that I'd done that, and that the kid will have someone whom he knows he can come to about such things.

Then, I told her about the earlier conference, and was talking about the baby, and was going on about that, and I realized that this was really as good a time as any to share my plans with her.

I'd been thinking I'd talk to her about it right before the end of the day, but it seemed like a perfect seque.

So, I said, "That actually reminds me, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. Can we do that now?"

She seemed to have an inkling where I was going with it, and had a sort of, "I know what you're going to say!" look on her face - in a good way.

So, I told her that, "Normally one wouldn't bring this up with their boss at this stage of the game, but given the circumstances, I feel like I need to. I'm about to start trying to get pregnant." Then went on to explain in more detail, and tell her that I'll probably need to miss some work, on pretty short notice.

She said all of the "congratulations. . . good luck. . . that's very exciting" things that one would hope to hear, and voiced no concerns about how it all might affect my work.

Whew!

Then she told me that she'd conceived all of her children - the 10 year old and the 5 year old twins - in vitro, so she's been through all the testing, and drugs and such, and totally understands both the timing issues, and the urgency, given my age.

I told her that there's a reproductive endocrinlogist very close to work, whom I hope to use if we go that route. She had to drive an hour or two when she was doing this, so I think she was relieved to hear that.

And, of course, I am very relieved to have that out of the way, and that it went so well. I still need to talk to Director about it, but that will just be a matter of logistics, rather than worrying about being "in trouble!"

In more directly-baby-related news, we're still waiting for "cd (cycle day) 1" to arrive. (That's "ttc" (trying to conceive) talk for "I haven't started my period yet.")

As soon as it does, we'll be able to place our order with the sperm bank.

Freaky.

At the moment, it looks like Doc is out of stock, Popeye and NewGuy are in stock and BowTie is "call for availability." I suppose that could change in the next couple of weeks.

Given that the bank is most likely closed tomorrow and Monday, and that I should see "AF" (ok, that is the first, last and only time you'll see me use that stupid euphemism: AF = "Aunt Flo" = my period) within the next couple of days, I suspect that I'll be placing the order on Tuesday.

We've decided to pony up the extra $40 to upgrade to a 14-day tank (from 7 days) so that we can have it arrive earlier than we think we'll possibly need it, and the little guys will still be frozen way past when we think we'll need them. Just so I can quit freaking out about the timing.

Shipping takes two days, and the doctor wants it there one or two days before we need it, so there goes half the seven-day lifespan already! That only leaves about three days leeway in our estimated ovulation date.

If this continues for a while, I suspect I'll get more confident about knowing exactly when I'll ovulate, but since we've never actually confirmed that, I'm a little hesitant to bank on a very narrow window. It's well worth the forty dollars for that extra peace of mind.

So, what else happened this week?

We got together for dinner with some friends on Friday - none of whom we've seen lately, and none of whom knew about the baby plans. So, of course, we told them! They all said the appropriate things, of course. And then we drank too much.

Tomorrow, I think we're going to a wine and arts festival about forty-five minutes from here.

(Actually, it's in the town where I thought TutoringCenter wanted me to work, before the decided to hire me for the location that's an hour away.)

Wine, music, art, crafts, food. Should be great - I'll try to remember to take the camera.

But first, it's time for bed!

The Baby Ball Is Rollin'

Now that I have health insurance, we've wasted no time in getting cracking on our baby plans.

The insurance went into effect May 1 (well, technically, at some point it will have gone into effect May 1), and I was at the lab that morning, bottle o'pee in hand, sleeve rolled up, ready to give them all my some blood.

Oh, the pee bottle. Did I mention that? One of the thing that my nephrologist likes to see is a 24 hour urine test, to check my total protein and creatinine clearance.

In other words, how much good-should-stay-in-my-body-stuff and bad-should-be-peeing-it-out-stuff (respectively) are my kidneys putting out over the course of 24 hours.

They're not kidding about the 24 hour thing, either. For a full day, I have to catch every drop of pee that I produce and put it in a bottle, which has to be refrigerated until it's dropped at the lab (within 48 hours of collection), at which point I also give them blood.

As you can imagine, this takes some careful planning.

First, I have to go to the lab to get the pee bottle. Usually, I have to show a doctor's orders for this test before they'll give me the bottle.

Once, I didn't have the orders, because they'd not yet been faxed, and I had to argue with a nurse about getting the bottle. Finally, I asked her just how I could possibly hurt myself if I peed in a bottle without authorization from a physician.

(This was when I lived in Houston, and I was particularly annoyed because there was a toll bridge between home and the lab, so it would've cost me an addition $3 to go back later to pick it up!)

Then, after I have the bottle, I have to figure out when I can collected it, because I can't leave home long enough that I'll have to pee while I'm out.

I usually collect from Sunday morning to Monday morning, then drop it off and do the blood on Monday.

This time, however, I collected on Sunday/Monday, then kept the bottle in the fridge an extra day, since I didn't have the insurance coverage until Tuesday.

I picked up my results today (no way I trusted them to fax everything to all my doctors on time) and, to my unprofessional eye, it all looks pretty darn good.

They do give you a cheat sheet on the print out, of course. For each test, it lists my results, as well as the normal range, plus any that are outside the normal range are flagged with an "H" or "L" to show if they are high or low.

My kidney function is not quite normal, but closer than I've seen it since I started paying attention - and that includes the visit a few years ago, when the nephrologist told me that my "disease is completely resolved" and said that the only concern he'd have with my getting pregnant would be my blood pressure (which was high then, but is now normal).

My nutritional stuff all seems to be right on target, except that my calcium is a teeny bit low. I guess that means I need to have more of my yummy-chewable-sometime-forget-they're-not-just-breath-mints-cinnamon-flavored supplements. Darn.

I don't have hepatitis B or C, nor do I have syphillis (not that I was worried about any of those things, but they are standard preconception tests) and I am immune to rubella (German measles) which is all good to know.

Best as I can tell, my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) looks right, for that point in my cycle.

Oh, and I'm not pregnant.

Yeah, no shit.

One of the tests that my nephrologist ordered was a Beta HCG. I asked his nurse about that, and explained that, while I am checking this all out because I plan to start trying soon, there's no way I'm pregnant yet.

She said that "He doesn't expect you to be pregnant, but it will give you baseline information."

Ok, cool. Except that what they ran, according to the report is a "qualitative HCG" which just says "negative" as opposed to giving an actual (very low? zero?) HCG level. (I assume that would be a "quantitative?")

So, yeah, all we learned from it is that I'm not pregnant.

On Monday, I will have day o' doctors:

• 10:00 am - Dietician
• 10:30 am -Gastric Bypass 2-year follow up (5 months late)
• (Drive 30 minutes)
• 12 noon - Nephrologist

On Thursday, I'm scheduled for the HSG at noon. I have a few questions that I'll probably go ahead and ask the OB/Gyn then (she performs the HSG) but most of the talking will wait until we'll go back to see her on May 21, to discuss my labs and do a pelvic, which will include a Pap smear and some other tests of the naked variety.

We'll confirm this with her on Thursday, but I think that assuming none of those tests turn up any issues that have to be resolved first, we should be good to go for June!

As to the other half of the baby-making equation, we've definitely, sort of, maybe got our donors narrowed down to four:

1. Bow Tie
2. Popeye
3. New Guy (just downloaded his info last week)
4. Doc

On Wednesday, we notarized and mailed off the consent forms for all four of them, which we think is the last bit of paper work that the sperm bank requires before we can call up and place an order.

We also ordered lifetime photos for Popeye and Doc. We've already seen baby/toddler photos of all of them, and that's all that's available for the other two guys.

We'd really like to have more photos of the guy who ends up being the guy, for the kid's sake, but in terms of checking him out before hand, we're fairly ok with not having the adult photos of those two, because for both, the "staff impressions" part of their profiles refer to them as "tall, dark and handsome."

They say nice things about all the guys, but they do not say that they are all good looking. Sometimes it's more like "friendly eyes" or "a nice smile," so I figure that when they do say "tall, dark and handsome" they must really mean it.

We hope to receive those photos in the next week or so, then we might rearrange the final four, or could possibly even eliminate one.

When we are actually ready to order, they want us to have at least three choices, in case our top choice isn't available in any given month. (They quarantine it for six months, pending repeat blood tests, and then release it, so the supply varies.)

So, a lot has happened over the past week, and even more will be happening over the next week and the next few, and we could be in our first "two week wait" as soon as six weeks from now.

Holy crow!