Showing posts with label Blog Carnivals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blog Carnivals. Show all posts

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Carnival of Breastfeeding: The Joys of Breastfeeding
Nursing My Little Person

Welcome Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!

This month's theme is "The Joys of Breastfeeding."

Please visit the other carnival participants, listed below.

(More entries will be added through the end of the day on March 22, 2010, as they are posted - check back!)


When I first saw the topic for this month's carnival, I thought "Oh, this will be easy!" because I just absolutely love breastfeeding Peeper, but as I started thinking about what to actually write, I kept having trouble putting my finger on what it is exactly that I love, what it is about breastfeeding that brings me such joy.

When you hear the phrase, "the joy of breastfeeding," the image that often comes to mind is of mother and child gazing blissfully into each other's eyes, as waves of oxytocin bathe them both in love and well-being.

Before Peeper was born, that's what I expected, but it turns out that's really not it at all.

I have to admit that when Peeper's nursing, my gaze is more often directed at my computer screen, or into the semi-darkness of our bedroom, and she's likely to be concentrating on playing with my shirt, or examining my teeth or trying to see what the dogs or cats are up to.

And I don't think I've ever felt a wave of oxytocin-inspired bliss; in fact, for the first several months, I was actually more likely to experience a sense of dread or foreboding from the pre-letdown dopamine drop of dysphoric milk ejection reflex.

But, although it's nothing like what I expected, breastfeeding Peeper is one of the greatest joys of my life.

Of course, given the way things started for us, just the fact that we are breastfeeding at all - let alone that we are still going strong at almost seventeen months - is a joy, in and of itself, as well as one of my proudest accomplishments, but it goes way beyond that.

Of course, I love knowing that I've given Peeper the best possible start by breastfeeding her exclusively for six months, and continuing to breastfeed as long as she needs it, but it's so much more than that, as well.

Shrike and I have long joked that she and I "are the same person" and "we share a brain," and now, since Peeper's come along - even now, that she's becoming such a little person in her own right - I very much tend to find myself feeling like she and I "are the same person," because we "share a body" - even if it is, technically, mine.

Of course, there is the literal sharing of my breasts, and the milk that they produce, but it goes beyond that. I hear her cry, and my hormones immediately tell me to go to her, to nurse her, to fix her. My body physically responds to her needs.

That connection is unlike anything I've ever experienced, and being able to pick her up and (usually) just make it all better, well, maybe "joy" isn't the best word to describe how that feels, but it will have to do until the right one is invented.

I've read two quotes lately that I really liked.

The first was from someone on Twitter (if it was you, let me know and I'll give you credit): "Breastfeeding is like duct tape. It fixes everything."

The other, I believe, was in Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, from a dad (I'm paraphrasing): "At this age, it's not so much about filling up the tank as recharging the batteries."

Those both just sum it up so perfectly.

I just love how one minute Peeper can be cranky and whiney, and then, after a few minutes of nursing, she pops up with a smile, back to her usual happy little self.

And, oh, that smile.

That is a joy at any time, but to see her look up at me and smile, still latched on, milk dribbling out the corners of her mouth, is just about more than I can take. Then she laughs, as if at some private joke just between her and the nipple, spattering me in the face with milk as she giggles, then dives back in for more.

And the dives.

When I'm lying on the floor, she runs over and dives headlong into onto my chest. Sometimes, she even thinks to pull my shirt up first.

Or if there's no shirt in the way - in the bathtub, or in bed at night - she'll grab a breast and try to baby-handle it into position. Given their size and floppiness, she usually needs some help from me, but she sure gives it the old college try.

On occasion, her manners get the best of her - or I'm out of reach - and she actually signs "milk" (or, as we call it in our family, "goody") instead of helping herself.

Other times, she signs it while she nurses, sometimes stopping to look at me, as if to say, "Thanks for the goody, Mama!"

Except when she complains about the service, signing "more" if the letdown isn't fast enough for her, or sometimes "all done" then "more" - which, I've finally figured out, seems to be a request to switch sides.

I just love that we're now able to hold a "conversation" about nursing.

Those who think that you shouldn't nurse a baby who's "old enough to ask for it," are missing out on half the fun.

With a few exceptions (which generally involve sleep), when she asks to nurse, or takes me up on my offer, my primary reaction is still, "Yay! We get to nurse now!"

Sure, these days it might have a lot to do with the fact that when she's nursing, I'm sitting or lying down and cuddling her, rather than chasing her around the house, (and, okay, let's be honest, also because it gives me a few minutes to check my email/Facebook/Twitter/blogs) but I felt that way even when she was tiny, and was just hanging out in my lap between meals, too.

Maybe it's because for as long as I can remember, I've looked forward to having a baby and to breastfeeding, or maybe it's because Peeper and I spent her first six weeks struggling to establish our breastfeeding relationship, or maybe it's just because it's amazing, but not a week goes by - and maybe not even a day - that I don't, at some point, look down at her at my breast and think, "I can't believe I actually get to do this."

Whether we are actually gazing lovingly at each other (it does happen on occasion) or each completely engaged in our own thoughts, or being silly together, or sound asleep, breastfeeding Peeper has brought me incredible joy, in innumerable big and small ways, and it only gets more fun, more joyful, and more amazing as she grows.


Other Carnival of Breastfeeding Posts
(Keep checking back - more will be added through the end of the day on March 22, 2010)

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Monday, March 15, 2010

Blog for Equality Day

Tomorrow, the Pennsylvania Senate Judiciary Committee will vote on a bill to amend the state constitution to define marriage as being between a man and a woman.

The ACLU of PA has this to say about it:

The Senate Judiciary Committee is scheduled to vote on Senate Bill 707 next Tuesday, March 16, at 11:30am. As you know, SB 707 is the latest incarnation of a state constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage.

Like many controversial, close votes, this could go either way.

It's not hyperbole to say that we have a chance to make history. We have never won an up-or-down vote on the marriage amendment. We've beaten this in the past by winning procedural maneuvers. But now we have that chance. Let's make the most of it.

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania already has a law to this effect, but putting it into the state constitution would negate any chances of having the law overturned by the courts.

If you live in Pennsylvania, or know anyone who does, please contact (or ask them to contact) the members of the Judiciary committee and ask them to vote NO on SB707.

Here's some more information on that, from Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents.
Who to call. Call the Harrisburg office (use your cell phone). Email messages are not going to work on this one.

Mary Jo White (717) 787-9684 Butler (part), Clarion, Erie (part), Forest, Venango and Warren (part) Counties

** Special note that Senator White has spoken against this amendment in the past. Please thank her for that and ask her to vote no. This is a vote that can make an impact **

Jane Earll (717) 787-8927 Erie (part) County
Jane Orie (717) 787-6538 Allegheny (part) and Butler (part) Counties

Our friends who always appreciate a thank you.

Jay Costa (717) 787-7683 Allegheny County
Wayne Fontana (717) 787-5300 Allegheny County

This is quite important. Many of the folks in this committee use Facebook, Twitter and so forth. I have a list here. Use social media to spread the word to your friends, family and contacts. Update your FB status.

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Monday, November 30, 2009

NaBloPoMo 2009 - I Did It

Just sayin'

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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Carnival of Breastfeeding: Your Breastfeeding Experience in the Hospital
The Nipple Intervention

Welcome Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!

This month's theme is "Your Breastfeeding Experience in the Hospital."

Please visit the other carnival participants, listed below.

(More entries will be added through the end of the day on November 23, 2009, as they are posted - check back!)


The following is a letter that will probably never actually be sent.

My therapist, Dr T, actually suggested writing it several months ago, after we'd spent a good bit of time discussing how traumatized (her words) I was by the "nipple intervention" - as I refer to the "conversation" that I describe in the letter.

I wrote my breastfeeding story several months ago, and that went a long way toward helping me to "let go" some of my anger, but the idea of an actual letter to the people responsible has been in the back of my mind since then.

When I saw this month's topic, I knew that this was the push I needed to actually write it.

If, through some miracle of the Powerball and assisted reproductive technology, I were to find myself preparing to deliver another baby in that hospital, I would definitely not only send the letter, but also schedule a meeting with the medical director to discuss it in person.

I can't imagine going through a pregnancy and labor with the possibility of a repeat of this experience hanging over my head.

Even a year later, I am still very angry about not only the bad advice we were given, but that what should have been a simple conversation was handled so unprofessionally, and turned into an unnecessarily traumatic experience.



To the Medical Director of MyCounty Pediatrics:
(cc to Hospital Lactation Consultants, Risk Management Department)

I am writing to share some concerns that I have about how my daughter's care was handled, and how I was treated, during our hospitalization after her birth.

To refresh your memory, Peeper was born on October 27, 2008, at 36 weeks gestation, in a non-medicated vaginal delivery, with vacuum assistance. Her birthweight was recorded as 5 lb, 4 oz.

I was very eager to get her started breastfeeding, and when she was less than enthusiastic about it that evening, I asked to see a lactation consultant as soon as possible.

LC#2 visited us the next morning, and one of the first things she told me when she walked into the room was that, "Most of our preemies need to be supplemented. I recommend a breast pump and a nipple shield and she may need some formula."

As Peeper had recently nursed, she did not observe us nursing at all, nor did she check Peeper's latch or suck with her finger.

A while later, both a breastpump and a nipple shield were delivered to my room, with little or no explanation of how to use them.

When Peeper was about twenty-four hours old, her weight was 4 lb 4 oz, and when you examined her you told me that you suspected the birthweight to have been off, since "this doesn't look like a baby who's lost a full pound," but that we'd have to assume she had lost a full pound, and go from there.

According to several different sources, I now understand that it's not uncommon for babies whose mothers have received IV fluids during labor (as I had) to be over hydrated at birth and to safely lose well over 10% of their birthweight, but it did not seem that possibility was taken into account at the time.

Assuming she had lost 20% of her birth weight, you said that we would have to start supplementing her, with breast milk if possible, or formula if "necessary."

I was very concerned that introducing any artificial nipples would jeopardize her ability to breastfeed by creating nipple confusion, so we began by finger feeding her using a supplemental nursing system, and also used the SNS at the breast, when she was willing to latch.

I was also very strongly against her receiving any formula, but you required that she take in a certain amount of milk, supplementing with formula if I could not pump that amount.

I don't remember the exact amounts, but after two pumping sessions, I think I got about five or six milliliters, and you wanted Peeper to have fifteen, so we mixed it with about ten milliliters of formula.

However, by the next feeding, I was able to pump enough to match the amount that she was required to take, so I feel that had we been given just a bit more time, we could have avoided her receiving any formula at all, as was my goal, which I'd very clearly stated, both to you and your staff and to the lactation consultants.

Peeper was born on a Monday afternoon, and on Wednesday afternoon, I was discharged and she was transferred to the Pediatric ward, where my partner Shrike and I roomed in with her.

The routine at that point was that, every three hours, I would put her to the breast and attempt to get her to latch, usually using the SNS, and then Shrike would finger feed her expressed breast milk while I pumped for the next feeding.

On Wednesday, it was determined that Peeper was jaundiced and she began phototherapy. That evening, she was hypoglycemic, and received glucose (also finger fed with the SNS) which brought her blood sugar back to an acceptable level.

On Thursday, I made several requests for the lactation consultant, but it was evening before she made it to the Pediatrics ward to see us, and she'd just arrived when Dr. L. came in to talk to us.

Of our entire hospital stay, it is this conversation that bothers me the most. I feel that it was not handled professionally, nor were we fully informed of the options available.

Peeper had been having trouble keeping her temperature up, while laying under the bililights in just a diaper, so the heat in the room had been turned up, and I was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, directly under the ceiling heat lamp, making it even hotter.

Peeper was in her bassinet, and Shrike was somewhere on the other side of the room. In the tiny room with us were the lactation consultant, the pediatrician, Shrike's mother and sister, and one or two nurses.

Dr. L. started by saying that "I know that breastfeeding is important to you, and it is the best thing for Peeper, so we definitely want her to do it, but . . . ."

She told me that both breastfeeding and finger feeding were too much work for Peeper, and she still wasn't keeping her blood sugar up like she should, and we had to get milk into her more quickly, so we were going to have to give her bottles.

I expressed a concern about using artificial nipples, and the lactation consultant said that we could use Nuk nipples which "are much less likely to cause nipple confusion."

When I asked if there were any other options, Dr. L did not suggest either cup or syringe feeding, either of which, I have since learned, would have been appropriate solutions, and would have avoided the risk of nipple confusion.

Shrike was neither being consulted by Dr L, nor was I even able to discuss it with her, as she was on the opposite side of room the whole time.

Because of the large number of people in the room, including my inlaws who were being very unsupportive of my desire to exclusively breastfeed Peeper, and the fact that no alternative feeding methods were even being acknowledged, I felt that I had no option but to agree with what Dr. L was "suggesting," although it went against my desires, against all recommendations for avoiding nipple confusion and against my better judgement.

I feel that I was not so much consulted, as I was intimidated into agreeing with Dr. L's opinion that bottlefeeding was the way to go.

A more appropriate way to have handled the situation would have been for Dr L to have spoken with me and Shrike alone, not with our entire family and several of the hospital's staff in the room, and for her to have given us a complete list of the options for alternative feeding methods.
I would have happily agreed to cup or syringe feeding, which would have just fed Peeper just as efficiently, without introducing artificial nipples and jeopardizing her ability to breastfeed.

Over the next day, Peeper's blood sugar stabilized, and her weight continued to go up, and we were discharged on Saturday.

The bottles had been successful in getting the milk into her more quickly and easily, but as I'd feared, she had become nipple confused, and was almost completely refusing the breast by that point.

For nearly six weeks, I pumped and bottlefed Peeper almost exclusively, with her only latching and nursing occassionally, although I was offering the breast several times a day.

During this time, I suffered incredible nipple pain, not only when I was pumping, but constantly.
I attribute this primarily to a lack of training in how to properly use the breast pump. I was not fitted for properly-sized pump flanges, and was not told how to adjust the pump suction.

Too-small flanges and too-high suction during the first week seriously damaged my nipples, and they were unable to heal until I stopped pumping completely.

Thanks primarily to the advice and support of my La Leche League leader, I stuck with it and eventually, Peeper was able to latch using a nipple shield, and stop requiring bottles when she was six weeks old.

Once she was finally able to breastfeed on her own, she has never looked back, and has been bottle-free since then, other than immediately following her open-heart surgery.

She was exclusively breastfed until just past six months and now, at almost thirteen months, still nurses quite frequently. It is my hope that she will continue to breastfeed for at least the full two years recommended by the World Health Organization.

However, had I not had the support of La Leche League and had I not gone into the situation absolutely determined to breastfeed, I very well might have given up before she ever learned to latch.

I dare say most mothers would have.

During Peeper's first six weeks, I did a great deal of research on nipple confusion, and found very little advice on how to correct it, but a great deal of advice on how to avoid it, all saying essentially the same thing:


However, using an artificial nipple (i.e., any nipple that's not attached to mom) to feed a young breastfeeding infant is likely to lead to nipple confusion. The sucking technique which baby learns from the rubber nipple does not work at the breast, and baby quickly becomes frustrated. This is why bottles are not the best choice for giving supplement to infants less than four weeks of age. Alternatives include cup-feeding, spoon-feeding, an eyedropper or feeding syringe, or a nursing supplementer. (Dr. William Sears)

If at all possible,delay introducing the bottle until the baby has well established nursing and latch on skills. If baby must receive supplements early on, use a Supplemental Nursing System, feeding cup, medicine dropper or spoon to feed baby. (Dr. Jack Newman)

Breast and bottle feeding require different oral-motor skills, and rubber nipples provide a type of "super stimulus" that babies may imprint upon instead of the softer breast. As a result, some babies develop suck confusion and apply inappropriate suckling techniques to the breast when they switch between breast and bottle. (The Breastfeeding Answer Book)

Last on the list, but most often thought of first in discussions of supplementation, is bottle-feeding. The timing and frequency of these feedings are most often implicated in later problems with breastfeeding (Neifert, Lawrence & Seacat 1995). Therefore, bottle-feedings should be avoided or delayed until after the baby is well acquainted with breastfeeding and accomplishes it with ease. (La Leche League website)

If this simple, well-known advice had been followed by Peeper's pediatricians, I might have been spared a great deal of pain, both physical and emotional, and we might have been able to spend our first six weeks as a family concentrating on bonding with our baby, rather than on trying to correct a problem which never should have been allowed to develop in the first place.

Over the past year, we have been generally pleased with the care that Peeper has received at your practice, and I hope to continue this relationship, but I just could not let these things go unsaid any longer.

I hope that you will discuss my concerns with Dr. L and the other pediatricians on your staff, and that in the future, you will offer families more breastfeeding-friendly options when babies are not successfully nursing.

I also hope that you will be more sensitive to the needs and emotions of new parents, and will hold these sort of discussions in private, so that the parents can make decisions for themselves, without undue pressure and influence from family members or medical staff.


Thank you,
Whozat


Other Carnival of Breastfeeding Posts
(Keep checking back - more will be added through the end of the day on November 23, 2009)

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

NaBloPoMo 2009

NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month, during which bloggers sign on to post at least once every day during the month of November.

I figure this ones kind of a no-brainer for me.

If I managed to post every day last November, I should have no problem doing it again!

Learn more about NaBloPoMo!

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Sunday, October 25, 2009

Carnival of Breastfeeding: What I Wish I'd Known Then
If I'd Known Then . . .

Welcome Carnival of Breastfeeding readers! This month's theme is "What I Wish I'd Known."

Please visit the other carnival participants, listed below.

(More entries will be added through the end of the day on October 26, 2009, as they are posted - check back!)




Peeper will be one year old tomorrow. As you can imagine, if you are at all familiar with my breastfeeding story, there are quite a few things that I wish I'd known a year ago.

Some of the things I wish I'd known are just general knowledge about the types of breastfeeding issues that Peeper and I faced, others are more specific to our personal experience and some, of course, are things that no one could have possibly known.

But it sure would've been easier if I had.

I wish I'd known, before Peeper was born, that having a lot of "book-learnin'" about breastfeeding (which I did, for someone who'd never done it), being absolutely determined to breastfeed (which I was), and considering myself a lactivist (which I do) were no guarantee that it would all come easily. Or that it would come easily at all.

I wish I'd known that Peeper would be born at thirty-six weeks, so I could have learned more about breastfeeding issues common to near-term preemies.

I wish I'd known, when Peeper's birth weight was higher than anyone expected, that I should have asked them to reweigh her, because when she weighed a pound less the next day, the pediatrician suspected that the birth weight was wrong, since he didn't think she looked like she'd lost 20% - but then he treated her as though she had.

I wish I'd known, the first time I pumped, that I shouldn't expect to see much results right off, so I wouldn't have been so disappointed when I only fogged up the sides of the bottles, and couldn't even collect a drop of colostrum to give to her.

I also wish I'd know that, very shortly, I would be able to pump enough to keep up with her.

Then, I might have had the confidence to refuse the 8 ml or so of formula that we gave her along with a comparable amount of breast milk in her first finger-feeding.

If she'd not already had that, I would not have given her a formula-feeding a few days later, when she'd "caught up" with what I had pumped, nor would I have had Shrike give her formula on Election Night, when she was eight days old, while I was at a party celebrating.

(I'd have had her call me when she ran out of breast milk, so I could come home and pump some more.)

Those three feedings probably totalled about two ounces, and that is all the formula she's ever had, but I will always regret it.

I wish I'd known that I even could refuse or question anything the pediatrician "suggested."

I wish I'd known that breast pump flanges are not one-size-fits-all, and that I should only turn the suction up high enough to get the milk to start flowing. Using flanges that were too small and too much suction in the first week or so tore me up, and my nipples didn't heal until Peeper learned to latch and I stopped pumping. A better start with the pump would have saved me several weeks of excrutiating pain.

I wish I'd known - and had pediatricians who acknowledged, or I'd had the nerve to insist when they didn't - that cup or syringe feeding were viable alternatives to bottles when Peeper was not latching, and finger feeding was too hard for her. That would have avoided the nipple confusion that it took us six weeks to overcome.

I wish I'd known from the beginning that DoulaK would be my go-to support person, and hadn't wasted my time with the lactation consultant who was much less helpful.

Speaking of DoulaK, I also wish I'd picked up the phone and called her more often, when I was having a rough time. I certainly did call, but not as often as I probably needed to. Luckily, she called me to check in fairly frequently - often just when I really needed someone to talk to.

I wish I'd known that a nipple shield would be our salvation, and I'd not been so scared to try it - but I wish I'd also somehow known exactly when Peeper had gotten big enough that she'd be able to latch with it, because it certainly wasn't happening when she was brand new.

I wish I'd known, the first time I nursed her in public - clumsily juggling baby, breast and nipple shield, that with a little practice we would get so used to it, and be so good at it.

I wish I'd known about Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex before I started experiencing it.

Of course, I could not possibly have known most of that, but I also could not have known that Peeper would eventually learn to breastfeed - and we'd never look back.

I could not have known that the Baby Who Wouldn't Latch would become the Baby Who Won't Unlatch.

I could not have known that we'd be bottle-free from six weeks on, that we would exclusively breastfeed until just past six months, and that we'd still be going strong at her first birthday.

I could not have known that Peeper and I would more than make up for the bonding we missed in the first six weeks, when I spent all my time pumping, then handing over the bottles to Shrike, because I just couldn't bring myself to give them to her.

Nor could I have known how much it would mean to all of us that Peeper and Shrike were able to bond so strongly in that time, when she was doing most of the parenting, and I was sitting on the sidelines, just lactating and crying.

I could not have known that overcoming our rough start would be one of my proudest accomplishments, and what I consider to be one of the most important things I've ever done.

And I certainly could not have known the love and the joy and the, for lack of a better work, rightness that I feel when Peeper nurses.

Whether she is hungry, or sleepy, or has woken in the night, or bumped her head, or just happened to see my breast and decided she'd like to have a bit of that, nursing fixes everything, makes it all better, makes it all right, for both of us.

Of course a year in, I know that there are still plenty of things that I don't yet know.

Mostly, I don't know how long she'll continue to nurse; when or how she'll wean.

Or how I'll bear it when she does.


Other Carnival of Breastfeeding Posts
(Keep checking back - more will be added through the end of the day on October 26, 2009)

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Carnival of Breastfeeding: Nursing in Public
(Boobs) Out and Proud

Welcome Carnival of Breastfeeding readers! This month's theme is "Nursing in Public."

Please visit the other carnival participants, listed below.

(More entries will be added through the end of the day on June 22, as they are posted - check back!)


I should probably preface this by saying that I considered myself a lactivist long before I ever lactated, and that I told Shrike, well before Peeper was even conceived, that "You do know I'm probably going to get kicked out of somewhere at some point, right? And I am going to make a scene about it."

It's always been my attitude that if someone is freaked out by seeing a baby breastfeeding, or thinks it's weird or inappropriate or whatever it is that people have a problem with, it's their issue to get over, and it's not the mother's responsibility to accommodate them.

I think that the discomfort that some people have about breastfeeding in public stems primarily from the fact that it's not something you see every day - which is one of the reasons that I do it.

Of course, it's mostly because my baby is hungry and, well, here we are, but once we're in that situation, my decision to just get on with it wherever we are is very much influenced by my belief that I should nurse her in public.

I am a proud breastfeeding Mama for the same reasons that I am an out and proud lesbian Mama: Visibility, normalization and I-will-not-be-ashamed-so-screw-you-if-you-don't-like-it-edness.

We exist, we (and our babies) have (or should have) the same rights as anyone else, and the more people see of us, then the more used to us, accepting of us and supportive of us they will be.

For many years, I've been completely nonchalant about my relationship with Shrike, presenting ourselves publicly as any other couple would and, even in our very conservative little town, we've run into no problems.

Likewise, I am completely matter of fact about nursing Peeper whenever and wherever the need arises.

If she's hungry or fussy or sleepy or pretty much any other adjective besides "happy," I just nurse her and fix it.

I don't ask people if they "mind," or ask them where it's okay to nurse, and we don't hide in bathrooms or backrooms or behind blankets or shawls.

And we've never had a problem - no comments, no complaints, no hairy eyeballs, no whispers behind our backs (that we know of).

Of course, it wasn't completely comfortable in the beginning. In fact, I was pretty nervous and uncomfortable, but I was probably as uncomfortable about my discomfort as anything else.

I knew in my head that it was fine, it was right, it was important that I nurse her in public, and I wanted so badly for it to be no big deal - but I just wasn't there yet.

Practice makes perfect, though, and we are definitely "there" now.

Of course, it's much easier to breastfeed a seven-month-old than a seven-week-old under any circumstances, and much easier to do it in public without feeling like you're exposing yourself.

(Hmm, I'm actually not so sure, now that I think about that. Peeper no longer needs help latching - just show her the goods and away she goes - but on the other hand, she didn't let go and turn around to look at the waiter quite so often when she was younger!)

As importantly, though, I just kept at it, refusing to hide or cover up, despite feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable, and each time it got a little easier, felt a little less weird, was a little less awkward, until here we are.

Another key to getting to this level of comfort has been the fact that Shrike has been so supportive. If she was ever uncomfortable about it, I certainly couldn't tell.

Especially in the beginning, she often encouraged me to "just go ahead and feed her" when I thought maybe it would be best to go elsewhere (typically when we were around her family), she has put up with innumerable changes in seating arrangements, to get me in the most comfortable spot for nursing (physically or in terms of being a bit less exposed from the back or side), and can always be counted on to let me know if I am showing more skin than I intend to (albeit, usually by way of a "woo hoo!").

I don't particularly care what a waiter or a fellow diner or a passerby thinks, but I do care very much what she thinks, and I would not be nearly as comfortable with breastfeeding Peeper in public without her support and encouragement.

And if that waiter or fellow diner or passerby is surprised to see me nursing, then maybe that's a good thing.

Maybe it will make them think a bit about their assumptions about what's "acceptable" or "normal" or "expected," and maybe they won't be so surprised next time.

Or maybe that other new mom at the next table, who has a bottle of expressed breastmilk in her diaper bag, will feel comfortable enough to just nurse her baby instead of bringing it out.

Or maybe the pregnant woman down the way will think, "Hmm, that looks convenient, and nobody's bothering her about it. Maybe I should consider breastfeeding, after all."

Maybe if they see me breastfeeding Peeper - if they even notice, because it usually seems like they don't - it will make breastfeeding just a little bit less "weird" and a little more "normal" to them.

And if Shrike and I are open enough about both who we are and how we parent, then maybe, just maybe, folks in this conservative little town of ours will see our little nursling and her two moms as the most natural thing in the world.

Because we are.


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