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One of the things that was in teh crib when I cleared it out was our wrap. I washed it to put away, and as I was folding it up this afternoon, Peeper asked what it was (She had to ask?!) so I told her that I used to wear her in it all the time, and asked if she wanted to try it out again.
She was hanging pretty low, but she liked it.
First, she had me put the sling on her, then put the monkey in, then she went to look at herself in the mirror.
Peeper "helped" me cook dinner, then decided she wanted to stay on my "bap" while we ate. I stabbed pieces of food (tortellini with sausage in alfredo sauce -she mostly likes the sausage) and handed the fork over my shoulder to her.
Hey, whatever works.
The three of us ventured downtown for First Friday this evening. I think it was the first time that Shrike's been able to join us.
It was chilly, but we bundled up, and Peeper and I test drove a new carrier, because I figured that now that I have the store (still working on sprucing up the website in preparation for the "grand reopening"), if I'm going to be wearing her and attracting attention and "Where did you get that?" kinds of questions, I should probably be using a carrier that I actually sell!
Sure enough, when we stopped for coffee, we were talking to a couple with a 2 1/2 year old son and twin infant daughters, and she asked about it, so I gave her my card!
I thought it was pretty comfy - at least as much so as the not-an-Ergo that I've been using, and it's pretty, and Peeper was warm and snuggly, and my hands were free.
After BabyJ and her mommy went home this evening, Peeper started playing with her baby doll.
Pink Pajamas? Check.
Hat? Check.
Ring Sling? Check.
Cutest Baby Ever? Check.
Babylegs? Check.
International Breastfeeding Symbol T-shirt? Check.
Ring Sling? Check.
Cutest Baby Ever? Check.
As I've mentions, Peeper's not been much for the chewin' food lately, since she's been sick. She's also been very clingy cuddly over the past week.
The most she's eaten in one "sitting" has been a couple of times that I've shared something with her, while standing at the kitchen counter and wearing her.
Tonight it was tortellinis.
Of course, even with the baby-led approach, there is some spoon- (fork-)feeding allowed.
Earlier this week, I got a call from the office of one of our Senators, inviting me to be one of thirty activists from BlueState to attend a "roundtable" discussion about LGBT issues.
After the discussion, we are invited on a VIP tour of the Capitol, followed by a "VIP Holiday Tour" of the White House.
When I got the call, I told the guy that I needed to let him know two things, and make sure that he was okay with them.
First is that "I'm not currently doing any political activism, LGBT or otherwise, because I'm taking a break to concentrate on my baby," to which he said, "As you should!"
He's fine with that, because he says that I "know the politics of the state" (I hope so - I've been pretty disengaged lately!) and that I will "bring a welcome perspective to the conversation."
I have to agree with him about that. I'm sure that as a lesbian mom in one of the most conservative parts of the state, I probably look at things a little differently than the twenty-something single gay man from the CapitalCity or the middle-aged full-time activist from BigCity.
The other thing I told him is that I can't be away from Peeper for a whole day, so I couldn't do it unless I could arrange for her and Shrike to go with me to DC, and for me to check in with them between events, so that she can nurse and have some Mama-time.
He said that they are welcome to join us for the Capitol tour (although, I think we will bail on that, in favor of naptime) and that, although there wouldn't be room for Shrike, because there's a strict limit on the number of people they can take, "I'm pretty sure I can get the baby in the White House."
As it turns out, she does count against the number, but he is giving up his own spot to allow her to attend. How sweet is that?
He did say that three other kids will be going with our group, but she will be by far the youngest.
I am pretty much freaking out about the whole thing - from the logistics of making the daytrip to DC with Peeper, to the distinct possibility of making an ass of myself at the roundtable, to the fear that my toddler with cause some sort of national security incident, or break something that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln.
At least hourly, I consider chickening out and blowing off the whole thing, but really how can you turn down an opportunity like that?
I mean, I know it's not exactly a state dinner, nor hanging out having a beer with Barack and Michelle, but I am pretty sure that they'll be there, and at the very least, surely a "VIP" tour gets to go places and see things that normal people don't.
I've been googling around, trying to figure out what to expect, and have found a few stories about the White House's holiday plans:
This little girl is exactly a month younger than Peeper, but they are exactly the same gestational age.
The actually played fairly well "together," although they did take toys away from each other, and pat each other's heads and faces a bit roughly at times. No tears, though, so I consider that a success!
On a semi-related note, I think that Peeper is signing "gentle."
Or maybe she thinks she's signing "baby" or "cat" or "breakable item?"
I use that word all the time, when she's petting animals (or cousins) or well, doing anything that she should do gently.
I have, in the past, signed it, either myself or "onto" her.
(It's a finger stroking the other arm gently. I usually stroke her arm, so she can feel what "gentle" should feel like.)
I don't know that I've actually signed it very much recently, but a couple of days ago, she was petting the cats, and I was telling her to be gentle, and she started rubbing the back of one arm/hand with the other.
(Not gently at all.)
There are a lot of baby signers here at the conference, and when I've recounted that story, several different people have told me that their kids would use signs that they'd not seen in quite a while, too.
It is definitely a sign of some sort (whether or not she actually means "gentle") because she's done it repeatedly, and in exactly the same way.
She has used it "in reference to" other babies (lots and lots and lots of other babies here to see and sign about!), so I'm not exactly she what she means by that.
However, she also signed it when this little girl patted her on the head, or was checking out her hair or something. (And it was just a pat, she was not hitting her.)
Maybe she was just saying "Hey, there's a baby!" but I like to think she was saying, "Hey, easy there, kid, that's my head!"
She also signed it one time while I was in the middle of getting her in the wrap. Coincidence, or was she telling me that I was handling her too roughly?
(The last little part of the process does pretty much require snapping her legs off at the knee, then sticking them back on.)
This signing this is really taking off. I can't wait to see what she learns next!
We took the doggies for a walk today, and it was a little big chilly out, so Peeper wore her fuzzy jammies on top of regular jammies and her new hat! with ears! and pom-poms!
Okay, I confess that this was totally my idea, because Peeper does not yet do any imitative play, but it was too damn cute, so I had to share.
We were watching her play with the stroller that someone gave her for her birthday. She really enjoys it as a push-walker, but didn't particularly seem to care about having her baby in it.
I told Shrike that it's because she doesn't know what it is (since she's never in one) and then I thought . . .
This is why it's important to always "check your work" after putting your baby in the wrap.
And yes, I am so looking forward to the day that she asks me to help her wrap her baby, instead of looking at me like I'm fucking crazy!
I just wanted to say a couple of things in response to some comments on my last post, about Attachment Parenting.
I'm not an expert on Dr. Sears' writings, but in The Baby Book, he talks a lot about the importance of the father's (or, in our case, non-gestational mother's) parenting role, and he also talks about "bottle nursing" which is bottle feeding with the same sort of cuddles, "on-demand" feeding, etc as you would do with breastfeeding. (As opposed to, say, bottle-propping, which takes the parent-baby interaction out of the feeding experience.)
He certainly emphasizes the physical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and baby, and talks about the intimate bond created between the "nursing dyad," but I wouldn't say that he discounts the bond that the baby has with a non-nursing parent.
I actually didn't include the whole "What AP Is" article in my previous post, because it gets pretty long, but here are some excerpts from the part that I cut off at the end. (I've added a link at the end of the "Baby Bs" in that post, to make it clear that there's more to the article.)
AP is a starter style . . . Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style – one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family.For me, the specific "Baby Bs of Attachment Parenting" (in bold print, all caps and read aloud by James Earl Jones) aren't as important as the general idea that we want to do what feels right for us, and what works for us.
AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules . . . The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the Baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not.
AP is a tool . . . With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship.
October Is Attachment Parenting (AP) Month
From AttachmentParenting.org:
What: Attachment Parenting International (API), along with the Sears family and other prominent AP supporters, declared October to be Attachment Parenting (AP) Month.
The AP Month vision is to create one strong voice for AP through activities, events and information and to celebrate what we believe in — the value of being “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” for our families and for our communities.
Who: All parents, AP partners and like minds around the world are invited and encouraged to join with us in growing “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” during the second annual Attachment Parenting Month.
Why: “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” is the theme for AP Month 2009 and a statement that healthy, secure attachments between parents and children is a dynamic process that extends throughout childhood and does not end with baby bonding. During AP Month, parents are challenged to re-examine their daily activities and traditions and learn new ways to grow with each other and remain close and supportive. AP Month partners will offer resources to support and sustain these efforts all year round.
Key AP Month Goals include unifying the AP voice to:
1. Offer parents and adults support and confidence in growing “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” to last a lifetime
2. Promote awareness of AP
3. Educate about API, other AP Month sponsors and their services
4. Provide a source of funds to support the API mission
Resources: The AP Month Central website is the gateway to information about AP Month. It includes the AP Month Toolkit as resource for you to use to plan and promoting your own events and activities for October.
What Attachment Parenting Is
From AskDrSears.com:
Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.
7 Attachment Tools: The Baby B'S
1. Birth bonding
The way baby and parents get started with one another helps the early attachment unfold. The days and weeks after birth are a sensitive period in which mothers and babies are uniquely primed to want to be close to one another. A close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, biological attachment-promoting behaviors of the infant and the intuitive, biological, caregiving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture.
2. Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is an exercise in babyreading. Breastfeeding helps you read your baby's cues, her body language, which is the first step in getting to know your baby. Breastfeeding gives baby and mother a smart start in life. Breastmilk contains unique brain-building nutrients that cannot be manufactured or bought. Breastfeeding promotes the right chemistry between mother and baby by stimulating your body to produce prolactin and oxytocin, hormones that give your mothering a boost.
3. Babywearing
A baby learns a lot in the arms of a busy caregiver. Carried babies fuss less and spend more time in the state of quiet alertness, the behavior state in which babies learn most about their environment. Babywearing improves the sensitivity of the parents. Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better. Closeness promotes familiarity.
4. Bedding close to baby
Wherever all family members get the best night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family. Co-sleeping co-sleeping adds a nighttime touch that helps busy daytime parents reconnect with their infant at night. Since nighttime is scary time for little people, sleeping within close touching and nursing distance minimizes nighttime separation anxiety and helps baby learn that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain in.
5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry
A baby's cry is a signal designed for the survival of the baby and the development of the parents. Responding sensitively to your baby's cries builds trust. Babies trust that their caregivers will be responsive to their needs. Parents gradually learn to trust in their ability to appropriately meet their baby's needs. This raises the parent-child communication level up a notch. Tiny babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate.
6. Beware of baby trainers
Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.
7. Balance
In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it's easy to neglect the needs of yourself and your marriage. As you will learn the key to putting balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your baby – knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and having the wisdom to say "yes" to yourself when you need help.
More about What Attachment Parenting Is
What Attachment Parenting Is Not
September 21 - 28 is International Babywearing Week!
Here's some other posts I've written about our babywearing adventures.
Before Peeper was born, I thought it would be a good idea to get "a sling," or "a front pack," but I had no idea of the huge variety of carriers out there, or how much we'd actually end up using ours.
When she was very young, and we were struggling with breastfeeding, DoulaK recommended wearing her (for more snuggly time) so we bought a Baby K'tan at Target, because it's what we saw there.
We couldn't begin to figure out how to use it, so when DoulaK came over for our postpartum follow-up (as if we'd not spoken a zillion times in the interim) she took a look at it, and really couldn't sort it out either.
But, she had a wrap with her, and showed us out to use it, saying that if we like that style of carrier, she had several more designs at home, and we could see them on her website, and . . .
"We'll take it!" we said - and bought the demo right off her back.
We didn't want to wait around for another one, and we loved the design, with the blue batik and symbols of religions of the world.
(Yeah, you might have seen it around the blog a few times ;-) )
The brand is Wrapsody (formerly known as Gypsy Mama), and it's a wrap or "simple piece of cloth (SPOC)" style carrier.
We also have a few other carriers "on loan" from DoulaK - a ring sling, a mei tei and what I call the not-an-Ergo, because it's a cheaper knock-off of the real thing, that she bought on Ebay.
We never actually use any of those, though, because we love the wrap so much.
I might go with the mei tai for back carries as Peeper get bigger, but I would prefer to stick with the wrap, even on my back, though. It looks cuter with her in a little bundle, and I don't know, I guess I'm just very attached to it.
I love everything about babywearing - the convenience (look Mama, no hands!), the cuddliness, and - if the truth be told - the conversations that I get to have when people stop us in the middle of Target or downtown to ask about it.
Every time I see someone pushing a stroller or carring a carseat, I just feel so bad for the parents who are navigating that big old stroller around obstacles, or lugging that heavy seat, and I feel bad for the baby, who's stuck in the seat, all alone.
Speaking of feeling bad - I feel really bad that Anonymama and Anonydaddy paid all that money to get us the "travel system" that we registered for, when we really don't use it.
If I'd known then what I know now, I would've just gone with a convertible carseat - you know, like the one we're going to have to buy within the next couple of months anyway, because she's approaching the weight limit of the infant carseat - and then maybe an umbrella stroller later on.
As Peeper gets bigger and heavier, we might find ourselves using the stroller, but she's pushing eleven months old, and we've used it a grand total of three times - the two train trips to the Children's Hospital and our first plane trip to Texas - and each time, it was just used as a luggage cart, while we carried (the first trip - before we had the wrap) or wore (the other two) Peeper.
Last winter, we did bring her carseat into the house to get her buckled in and bundled up (or out) inside the warm house, and we occassionaly did that elsewhere, too, so I guess it was nice for it to be easily removed from the car.
Other than that, though, I can probably count on one hand the number of times we actually took her in somewhere and kept her in the carseat.
Before we had the wrap (or maybe before we got a second lesson from DoulaK and I actually learned how to use it) I took Peeper to Staples alone, and put her carseat in the basket, and two or three times, we have arrived at a restaurant with her finally asleep, and took her in and let her sleep for a while, but that didn't last long, and as soon as she was awake, we got her out and held or wore her.
Even before we had the wrap, we preferred to just carry her in places in our arms, rather than the carseat, because it was so much heavier than she was.
I did quickly find that even a five pound baby can be uncomfortable to hold for long periods, so when I got the wrap, and was able to strap her onto me and have my hands free, it was just perfect!
When she was tiny, she would usually go right to sleep as soon as I tucked her into the wrap, and even if she was awake, she was almost always content. We could do just about anything with her in there.
As she's gotten bigger, she's still almost always happy if she's being worn. I usually wear her facing outward, so she can see what's going on around her, and she just loves it. She's able to see everything that I see, (and, now, grab for whatever I'm holding!) and loves interacting with the people that I'm talking to.
(Actually, they are usually talking to her, not to me!)
When she's tired, she rides faces in, and can snuggle up and go to sleep. This worked great a couple of days ago, when Shrike took her along on her dogwalk. She was able to sleep sitting up in the moist night air, which was great for her congested little sinuses, and was still snugging with Mommy!
More than once, we've been out and about when she's gotten sleepy and fussy in the middle of a store. I've found a comfortable spot to nurse her (like Target's patio furniture display, or the cafe at our grocery store) to sleep, then tucked her back into the wrap, cuddled against me, and we've finished our shopping.
When the three of us are out together, Shrike is usually the one who wears her. It's great because it gives them one-on-one time, and give me some "alone" time - both of which are rare commodities around here.
Funnily enough, the very first time that Shrike wore her (at Target, naturally), when we'd not had the wrap very long, and we're really used to it yet, we ran into DoulaK while we were shopping! (This is the only time we have ever randomly run into her.) "See!" I said, "We really are using it!"
Sometimes I feel guilty for alway suggesting that Shrike wear her when we're all out together, but then she reminds me how much she loves wearing her, and I just feel silly.
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Peeper and I have been breastfeeding for...
Six Weeks
Three Months
Six Months
Nine Months
Twelve Months
Eighteen Months
Two Years
Three Years
Four Years Four-and-a-half years and counting! | |
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