Thursday, October 1, 2009

More About Attachment Parenting

I just wanted to say a couple of things in response to some comments on my last post, about Attachment Parenting.

I'm not an expert on Dr. Sears' writings, but in The Baby Book, he talks a lot about the importance of the father's (or, in our case, non-gestational mother's) parenting role, and he also talks about "bottle nursing" which is bottle feeding with the same sort of cuddles, "on-demand" feeding, etc as you would do with breastfeeding. (As opposed to, say, bottle-propping, which takes the parent-baby interaction out of the feeding experience.)

He certainly emphasizes the physical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and baby, and talks about the intimate bond created between the "nursing dyad," but I wouldn't say that he discounts the bond that the baby has with a non-nursing parent.

I actually didn't include the whole "What AP Is" article in my previous post, because it gets pretty long, but here are some excerpts from the part that I cut off at the end. (I've added a link at the end of the "Baby Bs" in that post, to make it clear that there's more to the article.)

AP is a starter style . . . Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style – one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family.

AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules . . . The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the Baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not.

AP is a tool . . . With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship.
For me, the specific "Baby Bs of Attachment Parenting" (in bold print, all caps and read aloud by James Earl Jones) aren't as important as the general idea that we want to do what feels right for us, and what works for us.

We do not breastfeed, cosleep, babywear and so forth because "We're 'doing' Attachment Parenting" (cue JEJ again), rather, we consider "Attachment Parenting" to be an accurate description of our parenting style because breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing and so forth are what feel right for our family and what work for our family.

Any or all of these things might not feel right or might not work for another family, for any number of reasons, but for us, they do, and I couldn't imagine us doing it any other way.

1 comment:

  1. I will say that I agree that you have to do what's right for you. Your schedules and lifestyles permit it and.. so it makes sense to do it AND it feels comfortable for all three of you. Because I know you both so well I know the type of person that Peeper will grow up to be, she'll be amazing and fanastic, just as Deion is. LOL I've seen the 'propped-bottle' thing done more times than I'd like to count and I cannot understand why anyone wouldn't want to hold their child in their arms while bottle feeding.... obviously you have to hold them to breast feed. It was eye contact and talking and little hands and laughter and sometimes a fart or two.. and it was serious bonding time. Matter of fact, when D was born the nurses wanted to feed him that night and I said no way. Wake me up because I want to be the only one feeding him (besides his Dad) for at least 3 months. Since I knew ahead of time I wasn't breastfeeding I figured that was the way to bond with him. And I wouldn't change it for the world. :)
    All that said, you two are wonderful parents and no matter what Sears says.. or your blog stalkers say.. you're doing the right thing! XOXO


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