I'm Baaack

Well, technically, I got home late yesterday evening, from my political play-date.

I had a great time, learned some stuff, but mostly enjoyed visiting with folks that I only see three or four times a year, talking politics and, oh, there might have been a glass or two of wine involved.

Before I left on Friday, we went to the bank to get some paperwork notarized for the sperm bank. Because our first three "finalist" donors are all sold out of IVF prep, we've had to start over with that.

I think we've narrowed down to three new finalists, so we sent off the consent forms for each of them, plus the order form for adult photos of the one who has them.

We were hoping to sign off on the home equity line of credit while we were there, but the mortgage bank can't seem to figure out how to read a fax (requesting that they close the line of credit that we have with them) and tell the credit union that they've received it, so we can't do that quite yet. We should have it taken care of this week, though.

The rush is that, last week, I put close to $10,000 on the credit card, for the IVF fee (and there will be more soon) and we need the line of credit to pay that off when the bill comes, at the end of the month.

In the last week or so, I've made some progress on other hoops that we must jump, too.

I spoke with one of the attorneys who was recommended by the RE's office, and we're working on figuring out exactly what she's going to do for us. For $1000, she'll write a donor agreement that fits our needs better than the default donor and surrogate agreements that the clinic offers.

We want to make sure that neither of us is giving up parental rights, or rights to decide what happens to any remaining frozen embryos.

According to the law in NeighborState (where we'll most likely deliver), absent a court order saying something different, the woman out of whom the baby comes (me) goes on the birth certifcate as the mother, regardless of whose genes made the kid.

She could help us to get a pre-birth order which, if approved by a judge (and she has a judge whom she thinks would do it) would get us both on the birth certificate, from the get-go.

However, that would cost close to $3000, by the time we figured in her fee, court costs and other expenses.

On the other hand, I have an attorney friend here in BlueState who has offered to handle a second-parent adoption for us, for only court costs - about $300.

Unfortunately, he's only licensed to practice in BlueState, so he can't help us out with anything pre-birth, since the birth certificate will be from NeighborState.

(Fucking stupid insurance company, that covers Dr B, but not her hospital.)

As much as we would like to both be on the birth certificate before we leave the hospital, I'm afraid it makes more sense to wait and handle that through second-parent adoption later.

Ironically, that means that Shrike will have to adopt her own child.

I've also been talking with the social work department at the RE clinic.

Although Dr T's first letter was sufficient, when we were just using donor sperm, for egg "donation," we have to go through a more extensive screening, which they have to do themselves.

They do recognize that our situation is different from the typical known donor arrangement, and are streamlining it a bit, which will make it somewhat cheaper. ($500, rather than $850 - and, no, that's not covered in the shared risk fee.)

So, this Tuesday (1/15), Shrike will go in and take the MMPI, then spend about an hour talking with the social worker. On the next Tuesday (1/22), we'll both talk to her for an hour or so.

She's only in OldWorkTown on Tuesday afternoons, and it would be even less convenient to drive to their other location, so I'm going to have to take a half-day off work for the appointment with both of us. I'm not thrilled about that, especially the day before the first of my four dental appointments, but there's really no getting around it.

I started a new cycle yesterday, and will begin taking birth control pills soon (a - waiting for instructions, b - have to pick up them up at the pharmacy tomorrow or Tuesday).

Shrike is running about a week behind me, and will start on the pill early in her next cycle, as well.

I think that once the social workers sign off on us, we can stop the pill and start the actual IVF cycle.

I should know more after I hear back from Nurse D tomorrow.