So, I had that job interview on Wednesday, and spent the next day or two worrying about what I'd do if they didn't offer me one of the two positions for which they are considering me.
Then I started thinking about it more . . . and more . . . and more . . . and started having some real concerns.
One of the positions would definitely involve some travel, but I don't know how much. When they mentioned it in the interview, I wanted to find out more but, instead, what I said was "Oh, that's no problem!"
It could definitely be a problem both now and down the road. Now, if they want me to spend a week on the other side of the state conducting a training when I'm ovulating, and down the road if they want me to do it when I have a nursing four-month-old at home.
Also, a big issue is that the job is in CapitalCity, which is about an hour away - before you take into consideration traffic, parking, etc - and it starts at 8:30 am.
Now, part of me feels like I'm just being lazy to worry about the time factor but, as I might have mentioned before, Shrike works evenings and doesn't get home until around 1:30 am.
If she's getting in at 1:30 am and I'm leaving for work by 7:15 am, we basically have one of three choices:
- I don't wait up for her, and from bedtime Monday until we get up on Saturday, we have zero awake time together.
- I do wait up for her, and get about 3 - 4 hours of sleep per night.
- I wait up for her, oversleep and get to work late. On a regular basis.
I suspect that Choice #3 is the most likely.
And that's not even considering the $2000 - $2500 of my salary that I'd be spending on parking and additional gas.
So, starting around Friday and just building more and more, I've found myself thinking, instead of "Oh no, what will I do if I don't get this job?" more along the lines of "Oh my God, what will I do if I get this job?"
That ought to tell me something, I think.
But, I am not without options. I hope.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from the office manager at my old job - the one I left to go to work for the BlueState Democratic Party, back in August.
She told me that, basically, they are getting ready to fire the guy who replaced me there. At first, I thought that she might be going to ask me to come back and, at that point, that's not what I wanted to do.
However, she was just asking me to fill-in if they didn't keep him around til they found a replacement, and to help train the new person.
But, as I've been thinking and talking about the ideal working conditions, in terms of a flexible schedule, being able to telecommute when needed, etc, I've repeatedly found myself saying "If I were still at OldJob . . . ."
So, I emailed them on Friday and said that, if they're open to the idea, I'd like to discuss the possibility of going back full-time, if StateJob didn't work out.
Over the weekend, I talked with Shrike about it a lot more, and talked to my mom on Saturday, which always helps, and discussed it with someone else today.
By the end of all that, I think I've decided that, no matter what OldJob says, I think I would probably turn down StateJob if they offer it to me.
Yikes.
So, after more talk, and rehearsing what I'd say with Shrike, I called OldJob and talked to the officer manager (who seems to be more of a decision-maker in the company that that title might indicate).
Well, to back-track just a moment - OldJob isn't
exactly my old job. The company where I worked for 6.5 years was sold last summer, and the ownership changed hands on July 1.
Because of issues with moving all the equipment, etc, I was still actually at the old owner's location when I accepted the job for BS Dems. I left in mid-August, and they didn't move the stuff until I was gone.
So, I only actually worked for OfficeMgr and OldBoss for about six weeks, but we had talked about working conditions, etc, and I know that they are very flexible with scheduling, and are okay with telecommuting when necessary and are very family-friendly. Both OfficeMgr and NewOwner are single parents, and they are fine with employees working around their parenting responsibilities.
So, I called up OfficeMgr, and told her that I wanted to give her the whole story, because I would certainly understand if they had some questions about why I wanted to come back.
I told her that our priorities have changed because we're planning to start a family, and that I'm now looking for a job that's more conducive to that.
I also told her pretty much everything above, including that I will probably turn down StateJob, regardless of what OldJob's answer is.
She seemed pretty positive about it all and even told me that she'd left the company for a while and come back.
She said she'd talk to OldBoss about it this afternoon and, "He might need a couple of days to mull it over, but we'll call you back within the next few days, and we can talk about the details."
Or words to that effect. Now, OldBoss might veto it completely, but it sounded like she was okay with the idea, once I explained everything and assured her that I'm not just desperate or looking to go back til something better comes along.
I had to do a lot of thinking, and struggling with my ego, to get okay with the idea of going back, and to get past the feeling that I've tried to do something new and failed.
I just keep reminding myself that I didn't fail at getting a job in the political arena - I decided that's not what I want to do right now.
And, if I'd not been looking at the political stuff, I never would have been considering working in CapitalCity.
And, if my ego is the only thing stopping me, then that's a dumb reason.
And, I can always tell people that
they begged
me to come back, rather than the other way around. :-)
As my mom said, "If one changes one's destination, one may have to change the route to reach it."
There she goes again, with the great advice.
So, after talking with OfficeMgr, I feel like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders. Not that I have any answers, but at least she didn't say "Hell no!" (or, "Sorry, we've already hired someone.").
I've done what I can for the moment and now I just have to wait and see what they say.
I should have an answer from them before I get an answer from StateJob, so at least I'll know what the situation is before I have to make a decision on that.
I'm seriously considering turning it down, even if OldJob won't take me, but that's awful scary, with only two months of unemployment left.
The other big announcement we made today is that we told Shrike's parents about our baby plans.
We had dinner with them, her sister and sister-if-there-was-a-law, niece and nephew.
I knew that they'd ask about my job search, so we talked about it before hand, and decided that if they did, we'd tell them the whole story.
(Minus some of the job decision angst.)
It went well, and they seem to be on board. Her mom did ask when we'd make this decision, and when Shrike had changed her mind about it all. I pointed out that a big part of the reason that she didn't want kids pre-me was that she doesn't want to actually HAVE one - and I'll be doing that part!
As we were leaving, her mom made a comment about "I wish you hadn't waited so long . . . ." because our kid will be so much younger that his/her cousins.
(They are 9.5 and 6.75. Which is nothing compared to his/her cousins on my side, who are 22.5 and 19.75!)
So, a couple of huge weights off our shoulders, but still in limbo about the job.
I'm hoping for a positive response from OldJob by the end of the week - and maybe I could even start back as early as Monday?!
So, after all that, lunch out (Chinese buffet), dinner out (mom and dad's treat) and two (quick) grocery trips, I'm exhausted and calling it a night soon.
I'll brag about my grocery accomplishments tomorrow, but will give this one hint now:
Candy for less than free!
