Baby Questions
All new parent have questions, I'm sure. These are some of mine.
- What is she dreaming about, and why does the plot move so quickly?
- When she laughs in her sleep, is it at us or with us?
- What exactly am I supposed to do with her, when she's not nursing, sleeping or getting her diaper changed? It seems like there should be some sort of educational or mentally-stimulating activity going on. Or is it okay to just stare at her?
- Where the hell is she putting all that milk? Does she have a little teeny hollow baby-leg?
- Does she have freakishly short arms? We have to turn up the sleeves on almost everything she wears, even when the legs seem to be okay. (Our little baby T-Rex!)
- How does she get so much fuzz between her teeny little toes in one day, when she's wearing a completely non-fuzzy outfit?
- Are you sure that we can't "spoil" her yet? Because we're trying our damnedest.
- How long is our window for bumbling around before she starts remembering our screw-ups?
- What is so damn fascinating about ceiling lights?
- What's with the poopy-dancing? I've seen the poop. How hard can it be to get that out?
- Acoustically speaking, how is it possible for an 8-ish pound baby to burp as loudly as a grown man?
- Ditto for the farts.
- Furthermore, where does she store all that gas and poop before it comes out? No wonder her little tummy seems to hurt sometimes.
- Are you sure she's not flipping us off? She certainly seems to stick that finger out a lot.
- Will she grow up to love licorice (gripe water) and bubblegum (Captopril) flavors or hate them?
- Is it bad that we change her diaper probably once an hour all day long, but then not at all during our sleeping hours? (Her butt's not red, so I say let sleeping babies lie, but that diaper sure is heavy by morning.)
- Seriously? You're hungry? Again?
- At what point should we stop assuming that she has no idea what we're saying, and start spelling the bad words?
- How could we possibly be so lucky?
1. "What is she dreaming about, and why does the plot move so quickly?"
ReplyDeleteNo clue, and because her her brain is small so it doesn't take long to make the rounds.
2. "When she laughs in her sleep, is it at us or with us?"
Probably at you.
3. "What exactly am I supposed to do with her, when she's not nursing, sleeping or getting her diaper changed? It seems like there should be some sort of educational or mentally-stimulating activity going on. Or is it okay to just stare at her?"
Snuggle her, sing to her, talk to her, let her play with (look at) dangly toys. That's all plenty stimulating at this point. Pretty soon she'll be ready for peep-pie and patty-cake. It gets more interesting as it goes. And staring at her is fine, great if she stares back too. :)
4. "Where the hell is she putting all that milk? Does she have a little teeny hollow baby-leg?"
See # 13.
5. "Does she have freakishly short arms? We have to turn up the sleeves on almost everything she wears, even when the legs seem to be okay. (Our little baby T-Rex!)"
Guess she takes after Cousin Frappa.
6. "How does she get so much fuzz between her teeny little toes in one day, when she's wearing a completely non-fuzzy outfit?"
I always wondered that too!
7. "Are you sure that we can't "spoil" her yet? Because we're trying our damnedest."
Give it your best shot. :) (I could give you that analogy about fruit spoiling if it is left sitting on the shelf...)
8. "How long is our window for bumbling around before she starts remembering our screw-ups?"
You should be safe for the next couple of years.
9. "What is so damn fascinating about ceiling lights?"
Not as much as ceiling fans.
10. "What's with the poopy-dancing? I've seen the poop. How hard can it be to get that out?"
No clue there, mine weren't poopy-dancers.
11. "Acoustically speaking, how is it possible for an 8-ish pound baby to burp as loudly as a grown man?"
I always wondered about that too.
12. "Ditto for the farts."
Ditto on I always wondered about that too.
13. "Furthermore, where does she store all that gas and poop before it comes out? No wonder her little tummy seems to hurt sometimes.
See # 4.
14. "Are you sure she's not flipping us off? She certainly seems to stick that finger out a lot."
Well, she is y'all's kid...
15. Will she grow up to love licorice (gripe water) and bubblegum (Captopril) flavors or hate them?
Frappa loves bubblegum and she had a LOT of pink medicine in her day.
16. "Is it bad that we change her diaper probably once an hour all day long, but then not at all during our sleeping hours? (Her butt's not red, so I say let sleeping babies lie, but that diaper sure is heavy by morning.)
If it ain't broke, don't fix (er, change) it.
17. Seriously? You're hungry? Again?
Seriously. Again.
18. "At what point should we stop assuming that she has no idea what we're saying, and start spelling the bad words?"
When she starts repeating things. (Hopefully the first things she repeats won't be the bad words.)
19. "How could we possibly be so lucky?"
Just runs in the family. :)
Ahh! Good questions. We will remember those.
ReplyDeleteI can say that you have at least 2 years till you have to start spelling everything... she'll still love bubblegum but i'm not sure about licorice... and as for luck... you were chosen by a Higher Power to be Peeper's parents. You were looked upon and they said "Them. Right there. THEY are the right women for the job. Pick them." :)
ReplyDelete3 - I stick her under the dangly toys a few times a day, as long as she'll stand for it. There's lots of snuggling (that's the default, of course) and talking and, um, watching Mama read blogs? That's good for her, right?
ReplyDelete9 - True.
10 - Note to self: Must video the poopy-dance.
14 - And she has been doing it at least since 21 weeks gestation.
18 - Ah, so we don't spell so much to avoid screwing her up, just to avoid people knowing that we're screwing her up!
My main question is how do I win the lottery so I can stay home too? All I do at work is think about how much I want to be home. Maybe two mommies is a bad idea. Perhaps it would have been best if we could job share the paying job as well as the mommy job. My heart gets squeezed when I look at those cute little photos. And I know it i luck. The reason I know it is luck is because I never did anything to deserve this.
ReplyDeleteAnother question: How does she get dirty under her fingernails when she doesn't do anything?
ReplyDeleteI was due a few days after you (although my peeper came 4 DAYS early, not 4 weeks) and I'm catching up on all your posts I missed during maternity leave... This is hilarious! I have wondered all of these things at some point in the last 2 months and 22 days. I actually wrote a blog post about the night-diapering thing.
ReplyDeleteShe's gorgeous, y'all.