Frustrated

I don't know why I bothered to pee test yesterday and today, knowing damn well that it was most likely too early to get a positive result, even if things are going well. Tomorrow might be far enough along to see something, but even that is a bit of a stretch.

All I accomplished by starting it yesterday instead of waiting until tomorrow was wasting the $2 for the tests and discouraging myself. Ugh.

I know I've got five more days to see something on a pee test, and five more days til my beta, so there's still plenty of time to get good news, but at this point, it kind of feels impossible, like we're just doing all this stuff and going through these motions - and spending all this money - for something that's just some crazy fantasy.

Like if we were spending all our money on lottery tickets or something.

And, now, I'm totally freaked out about this whole insurance thing, and what to do if they're not going to pay for any more IUIs. Do we pay for three more out of pocket, at about $3000 a pop? Or do we go right to IUI - and borrow like $40,000?

What the hell am I saying? We can't borrow $40,000.

Well, we could borrow it, but we couldn't pay it off.

Sidebar:
Shrike is reading over my shoulder and just said:
"What are they going to do, repossess our baby?"

"No, honey, they're going to repossess our house."

(No response.)

So, that's where we stand. I've emailed Nurse E to ask who to talk to about the status of the insurance appeal, and how long it should take.

We have a week before we'll know anything, but if my beta is negative, at that point, we'll need to decide pretty quickly what comes next, because I'll need to start meds on day 3, which could be as early as next Wednesday.

Ugh.