Thursday, March 18, 2010

Ask Me Anything: What advice can i give my BFF to help her accept herself?

I loved the "I'm 10000% out in my 'real life' and screw you if you don't like it." My best friend is still not "out." What advice can i give her to help her accept herself. I think she feels ashamed, she has told me that she doesn't want to be gay and if she could change it she would. Like i said it breaks my heart for her.

Oy, that's a tough one. I'm just winging it here.

I think the best thing that you can do is what you're obviously already doing. Be there for her, listen to her, and make sure she knows that her coming out doesn't change how you feel about her.

It can be a very tough process, and the more positive, supportive people around her, the easier it will be.

Of course, if she's getting negative reactions from her friends or family, that will make it all the harder.

I was very lucky when I came out, in that all my friends and family were completely supportive. That made it infinitely easier.

Also helpful, at least in the sense of motivation, was the fact that I was in love with Shrike and wanted to be with her, and pretty much had to get okay with being gay if that was going to happen.

If your friend is open to the idea of counseling, I would strongly encourage her to talk to a gay-friendly therapist about her feelings.

Meeting other gay people with whom she might have (other) things in common, and making "couple friends" would probably help her to feel less isolated, and less "different."

If those people are out and comfortable with their orientation, they can be positive role models for her, as well.

Best of luck to her!

Ask me anything

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