Visibility

I'm generally a lot more "out" than Shrike is, and a lot more comfortable with being out and visible in public, but we've discussed, many times, that once we had a kid, being closeted, or even passing as straight would not be an option. 

Not that it's really much of an option for us now, in that we absolutely never lie about who we are, and of course, there are the haircuts, but she's a lot less comforable with public displays of affection than I am (we're talking hand-holding, not making out) and it's not like we walk up to random strangers and say, "Hi, we're your friendly neighborhood lesbian couple. Let me tell you about that." 

(Although, if they are paying any attention, they will certainly figure it out.)

I was thinking more in terms of Peeper outing us at the playground and such, but she's not yet two weeks old, and we're finding that she's already making us even more visible as a lesbian couple family.  

In the handful of times that we've had her out in public (mostly to doctor's appointments, but also a couple of other outings) she has gotten tons of attention from strangers.

I'm sure it's her size and brand-shiny-newness that first catches people's eye, but then, of course, they notice that she's the most precious. baby. ever. And, how could they not? 

At some point in the ensuing conversation, we are often asked "Whose is she?" which is a quite reasonable question. 

Every time, Shrike has said, proudly, "She's ours." 

My answer is generally something along the lines of, "She's ours - but I had her." 

I realized after I'd said that a couple of times that it might be coming across as implying that I was somehow her "real" mom, when in actuality, I just wanted credit for that whole pushing a baby out of me a few days ago thing. 

(More on that when I get around to writing up her birth story, by the way. Have I mentioned the lack of pain medication?)

Shrike says it doesn't bother her, but I'm trying not to answer that way, either leaving it as "We both are," or going the step further, and saying, "I had her, but she's hers genetically," which I've done a couple of times. 

Neither answer has gotten anything but positive responses, so far, ranging from (feigned?)  nonchalance to "Oh! Well, congratulations!" (with extra "Hey, lesbians! Cool!"enthusiasm) to "Well, yeah, I figured that, but who had her?"

As you can imagine, the more complete story generally elicits a few more questions, which is fine by me. 

People usually say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, am I being nosey?" but I assure them that there's nothing I'd rather talk about than little Peeper, and all things Peeper-related. 

After one such conversation, I asked Shrike, "Was that okay, that I went into all that." She just looked at me and said, matter of factly, "Sure. It's our family story." 

She's absolutely right about that. 

And, I kind of enjoy the opportunity to educate people a bit about our family and LGBT families, in general. 

Who knows what these people's opinion was before they met us, but I hope that they'll come away from the conversation, if not completely supportive of us, then at least feeling like we are a little less scary than they might have thought before. 

And just maybe, at some point in the future, when the matter comes before them, whether in a conversation or in a sermon or in a voting booth, they will stop and remember those girls in the train station / doctors office / grocery store with that tiny, beautiful baby girl, and what a nice little family they seemed to be.