Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Baby Talk

I'm still waiting to find out whether I'll be able to get insurance from my new job immediately, or if I'll have to wait 60 days. I've made a bunch of doctors' appointments for May (see the sidebar) but they might have to be changed again if there's no insurance yet. I hope to know by the end of the week.

In the meantime, Shrike's got pretty good coverage from her job. She can't put me on her policy, so it doesn't help with the baby-making but, for the past few months, we've been using the hell out of her mental health benefits, seeing a couples counselor.

It's been very good for us, and we really like our therapist, Dr. T. She definitely seems to "get" us and how we interact, not just with each other but with other people, seems to share a lot of our values, and is just an all-around good "fit" for us.

She's helped us to hash out a lot of recurring issues that we've been dealing with (or not) for years, and to show us where we can make our relationship stronger, especially in terms of better understanding each other's needs, and better communicating our own.

An Actual Exchange from a Therapy Session:
Whozat: "So, I guess I need to get better about figuring out if it's a good time to talk to you."

Shrike: "Yeah, that would be good."

Dr. T: "Ooorrr, you could ask and you could tell her.

Shrike & Whozat: "Doh!"
As you can imagine, we've also been talking aLOT about my job search, and the baby plans, and all of the various issues surrounding both of those things.

We had an appointment today, at which we talked about my upcoming new job, of course, and then other, mostly baby-related, subjects.

As our hour was winding down, we discussed when to schedule appointments now that I'll be working, and logistical things like that.

As we got up to leave, Dr. T. said, "I just have to tell you . . ."

(here we expected some sort of semi-wrap-up kind of comment, since we'll be seeing her less frequently now)

". . . there's just been too much baby-talk . . ."

(then we expected to be scolded for obsessing and told to think about something else for a while)

". . . to not say something, so I just have to tell you . . ."

(here, we both clued in)

". . . that I'm going to be having another baby!"

Needless to say, we turned the tables pretty quickly and put her on the hot-seat for a while!

She's about 16 weeks pregnant, and has known since about 3 or 4 weeks, which means that for THREE MONTHS she's been sitting there listening to us talk about making a baby, and not saying anything.

Today she decided that she "just couldn't contain myself any longer."

I can imagine!

She also said that she'd not told any other clients yet, so we're feeling like we're pretty special.

She might as well start telling soon, though. I don't know if it was the outfit she was wearing, or if she's just "popped" in the last week, but we had both noticed that she had a bit of a tummy going on that didn't seem to have been there before, and we were both actually a bit suspicious before her announcement.

(I figured I was just projecting!)

Of course, we're thrilled for her, and it's really exciting for us to know someone else who's pregnant right now, as we're making our final preparations to start trying.

(We're already waiting on babies due in July and August - and now October.)

I'm just a little concerned that we only have a little over five months in which to finish getting our shit together before she deserts us!

6 comments:

  1. Good Lord! I thought I left a comment here yesterday!

    Does it not bother you that people around you are getting pregnant? Or are you a big enough person to be happy for them? Don't know I could be that big.

    Therapy, eh? Good for y'all! Too many couples just give up now days!

    When you get a chance go by my blog, there is a surprise for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know, Shrike asked me the same thing yesterday - whether I was bothered by Dr. T's news.

    If we try for months and months with no luck, and move from "waiting to start" and "it will be complicated because we're girls" into actual infertility territory then, yes, I expect it will be very hard to hear other people's pregnancy announcements, but for now, it's not at all.

    With Dr. T, not only is she a great therapist for us, but if she weren't our therapist, I think we'd enjoy being friends with, so we're just very happy and excited for her.

    Also, I think it's really cool that (if we get crackin' soon and then get lucky soon) we could be just a few months behind her.

    Even if we don't overlap at all, it will certainly all be fresh in her mind, as I'm going through it - that's about as empathetic a therapist as you can ask for!

    With the other two (my friend and Kris' cousin), there's the added bonus of seeing other lesbian couples being successful at baby-making, which gives us high hopes for our chances.

    I guess, right now, as anxious as I am to start working on ours, until we can, I'm happy for the chance to live vicariously through them.

    I may feel different in six or twelve months, but for now, bring on the pregnant ladies!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It took us a year to conceive Luke. I had a 'schedule' on the fridge for 12 straight months. Hubs was 'on duty' certain times. It was not as much fun as he thought it would be. After one year, we gave up, thought it wasn't meant to be. Following month, we conceived. Sept 11th to be exact. We were overseas and the same thing was playing nonstop on the tv.

    just felt the need to share. Don't know why.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Toni -
    Thanks for sharing. It's a good reminder that it doesn't always happen right away but, likewise, just because it DOESN'T happen right away doesn't mean it WON'T happen.

    Shrike and I have actually talked about the fact that one "bright side" of our method is not having the stress of "performing on demand!"

    (Hell, technically, she doesn't even have to be there!)

    Luke is 4 now, right? So you do mean 9/11/01, not an anniversary of it? Wow.

    What a strange, emotionally-mixed memory that must be for you.

    And yet, what a wonderfully life-affirming counterpoint to the other events of that day!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Plus, if everyone around us is pregnant, it is better than reruns of those baby shows on TLC. And I like these people better too. Oh and who knows, maybe someone would want us to babysit?

    ReplyDelete
  6. ("Anonymous" is Shrike)

    Good point, honey.

    Hmm, too bad there's probably ethics rules that would preclude us from babysitting in exchange for free therapy, huh?

    On the other hand, she'd probably be worried that we'd steal her baby.

    Explaination:
    In a recent therapy session, we were talking about the precious little 10-month-old who lives around the corner, and were joking about "stealing her."

    Dr. T. said "Don't tell me that!"

    Oh great, now she's going to have to make some kind of a report!

    ReplyDelete

What say you?