Wedding Journal: About Our Wedding

The Ceremony
The ceremony was held at a Unitarian Church near my hometown on February 10, 2001.

Prelude Music
A collection of songs that have had special meaning to us during our relationship:
"Head Over Feet - Alanis Morrissette
"Carmen" - Paula Cole
"Keep It Precious" - Melissa Etheridge
"Power of Two" - Indigo Girls
"Natural Woman" - Aretha Franklin
"Ice Cream" - Sarah McLachlan
"My Love, Sweet Love" - Patti LaBelle
"From This Moment" - Shania Twain

Processional
We walked down the aisle to Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D. My brother led the processional, followed by Shrike's sister and her nephew. Shrike was escorted by her mother, and I was escorted by my parents.

At the Altar
Before they were seated, the officiant asked our parents to promise us their blessing, love and support. She then welcomed the guests and thanked them for coming, before introducing the readings.

Readings
"Love"
Love does not consist of gazing at one another, but of looking outward together in the same direction. Do not seek perfection in each other. Do not seek to make the other into your own image, or to remake yourself into another's image. What each most truly is will be known by the other. It is that truth of you which must be loved. Many things will change, but change is not the enemy of love. Change is the enemy only of any attempt to possess. May all that is good and true and beautiful abide with you now and always.

Ruth 1:16-17
And Ruth said to Naomi, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, I will die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.

The Legend of Soulmates
Legend has it that once, long ago, all people had four legs, four arms and two heads. These people were of three sexes - man, born of the sun, woman, born of the earth, and man-woman, born of the moon. One day the gods, fearing the power of these people, threw down thunderbolts and split each of them in two, creating people - and the sexes - as we now know them. But this separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited, because, while their bodies had been separated, they still shared the same soul. Ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul - their soulmate. It is said that when soulmates meet, they recognize each other immediately. Soulmates do not love each other because of outward qualities, but because each sings a song that only the other can understand. They are a part of each other; the part each has always vaguely missed. They watch out for each other, catch each other when they fall, listen to each other's stories, understand things that no one else would, and love each other. They are sacred to each other.

Message
The officiant (who is African-American) drew an analogy between our commitment ceremony and African-American slaves "jumping the broom" when they were not allowed to marry legally.


Question of Intent
(Name), do you come before this gathering of friends and family to celebrate your love for (Name) and to commit your life to her? Do you pledge to love, comfort and protect her, affirm her, respect her, and care for her; to express your thoughts and emotions to her, and to listen to hers, in times of joy and of sorrow, in times of wealth and of need; to encourage and inspire her, while committing to grow, love and advance together in faith, honesty and determination?

I do.

Exchange of Vows
I, (Name), take you, (Name), as my partner in life. I will trust you and honor you. I will respect your goals and dreams, and help you to realize them. I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you, when we are together and when we are apart, when life is peaceful and when it is in disorder, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort, no matter what we may encounter together. I will make my home in your heart from this day forward. You are my partner, my lover, and my best friend. Will you let me share my life and all that I am with you?

I will

Signing of the Certificate of Commitment
After exchanging our vows, we and our families signed our Certificate of Commitment, which was created for us by a friend. While we were signing (and, it seemed, for an hour afterward!) "Sleep" by Melissa Etheridge was played.

Exchange of Rings
I give you this ring as a constant reminder, and as an outward sign to the world, of my love and my commitment to you.

Rose Ceremony
As we exchanged roses that we pulled from our bouquets, The officiant talked about the importance of commitment in a relationship, and the red rose as a symbol of love.

Pronoucement
In the presence of your family and friends, by the power of your love, because you have exchanged vows of commitment, we recognize you as partners in life - you may kiss.

Benediction
Now you are two people with one shared life before you. Go now into your dwelling place to enter into the days of your lives together. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion and may your days together be good and long upon the earth.

The Reception
The reception was at the church, immediately following the ceremony. We served meat and cheese trays, chili con queso, salsa and tortilla chips from Casa Ole' (Whozat's favorite restaurant), sour cream and picante dip, cake, mints, nuts, punch, champagne and iced tea.

The cake was white with white icing. It was made of two double-layer hearts on top of each other with red roses around the edges of each layer. On top was a photo of us in a small heart-shaped frame.

We did the traditional cutting and feeding of the cake (no cake-smashing!) and champagne toast. Our toasting glasses were two "floating" hearts, shaped to fit together and form a circle. They were engraved with our names and the wedding date. They were beautiful, but very difficult to drink from without spilling!

We also did the traditional bouquet toss, but we tossed two bouquets and invited all of our single guests - male and female - to join in. We planned to toss them simultaneously, but Shrike's bouquet hit the ceiling on the first try, so she had to toss again.

After The Reception
After the reception, we had planned to continue celebrating at a local gay dance club with anyone who wanted to join us. By the end of the evening, however, we decided that we were much to tired to go dancing, so we went to Bennigan's with a few friends instead.

The Honeymoon
We spent our wedding night at a hotel in Whozat's hometown, and went back to Whozat's parents' house on Sunday to open gifts, pack our bags and say good-bye. We then drove to New Orleans and spent a couple of days at a gay-owned bed and breakfast, before flying back home on Tuesday.