Ten (near) Tuesday #18 (By Shrike)

Ten Movies That Disappointed Me Shrike
by Shrike

Thanks for your help, sweetheart!

1. Driving Miss Daisy
   The heartwarming tale of an old woman and her lackey. I don't get it. No, really I don't. Didn't live up to the hype.

   
   

2. Close Encounters of The Third Kind
   Probably didn't help that I had seen Star Wars first. At least, I am assuming that I had, because I found this to be rather dull and that must've been because I'd seen Star Wars first.

   
   

3. Night of The Hunter
   Okay, I should have seen it before the 21st century. In my eyes, it just hasn't aged well. I had heard how scary Robert Mitchum was in this. You would have thought he actually laid a hand on these kids to be so terrifying. And don't those damn kids know how to keep their damn mouths shut.Their father makes them swear not to tell anybody anything about the money and they just blurt it out (minus acting lessons) the first chance they get.

   
   

4. In the Company of Stragers
   The all-time worst movie I have ever seen. This is a Canadian tale about a bunch of old white women being driven around by a black woman. If Miss Daisy didn't do it for me, well, this doesn't either. These are the most boring ass Canadians they could find and somebody started filming with the camera they took along on their bus tour. Scarier than Night of The Hunter because in this one, there is no acting and no script.

   
   

5. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
   The unbearable boring-ass movie. I wish I could remember something about it, but I only remember not being able to finish it.

   
   

6. Insert generic boring scandal movie here
   I think this is the movie I saw. It was some movie about a British sex scandal and being under 21 (or at least not 38), that was the part I found attractive - sex. Anything to do with sex could not possibly be boring. Guess again. The only movie I saw in the theater on which I walked out.

   
   

7. Scandal
   Again, unfortunately, I listened to the hype too much on this one. I am not saying it was not a good movie (it had Cate Blanchett in it, so not all bad), but how unbelievable is a story about a beautiful teacher having an affair with a teenage boy. I wasn't attracted to teenage boys when I was a teenager.
   
   Oh wait, there was a reason for that.
   
   Okay, so it is believable, in that it is ripped from today's headlines. But, I find that unbelievable. I mean a 30-something male with an 18-year-old female? Sick and manipulative.
   
   But a 30-something female with an 18-year-old male? Mathmatical error.
   
   What could a 30-something female possibly see in an 18-year-old male. Even if it is about sex, it is kind of like the buffets in our area. There's a lot of it, but none of it is very good.

   
   

8. The Girl
   Whozat says to avoid any movie in which the director's commentary includes the line "I was trained as a mime." I think that is good advice.
   
   We are at a certain disadvantage, being lesbians, in that we would like to watch movies that are representative of our lives.
   
   (Ok that's not true, if it were, we'd have hours upon hours of us both sitting at our computers. And then that movie would be on this list.)
   
   But no, lesbians should never be allowed to make movies. I am trying to keep this list contained to somewhat mainstream ones that people will recognize. I could easily name 10 (or 20 or 30) bad lesbian movies. And the bad lesbian vampire movies, a whole 'nother category altogether. And I love lesbian vampires.

   
   

9. Say Anything
   The main character aspires to be a kickboxer. Need I say more? And they used a Steely Dan song in it. (A band I will hear in hell, I am sure. Iwould rather listen to accordian music and cats hacking up hairballs).
   
   Although. it did have a notable scene in which the main character explains: "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."
   
   Yeah, me either.

   
   

10. Kwaidan
    The Grudge is based on a story from this anthology of Japanese ghost stories. I am too chicken to rent The Grudge so I rented this instead.
    
    Yeah, big ball of hair . . . eeeeewwww scary. I won't be able to sleep for a whole minute.
    
    "Winner of the Special Jury Prize at Cannes." That jury should be hung.
    
    This is an LSD trip on film. Now I know I don't have to see The Grudge because I just don't care. I may not be renting the Japanese movie that The Ring is based on, either. My senses aren't ready for that kind of assault.

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